My son, Teen Boy, got his driver's license today, December 27, 2011.
Hark! Do I hear no more midnight runs to the Hungry Store for food? Can he not pick up his own keys and make his own runs now? As a matter of fact, I never, EVER again for the rest of my life have to get out of my PJs ever again. Did I say ever?
Except, I do have a ten year old...OHHH...I totally forget about her! UGHHHH!!! Suddenly, I feel this driving need to pack bricks into a sack and bludgeon myself in the face with it over and over and over again! Let me grab the back of my shirt and fling myself onto a massive fire ant mound while I am at it.
I love to write and blog. My job is in my home. I really don't have to get dressed at all. But, those rotten kids always wanting something to eat or drink make me have to get up and moving and do for them.
Then, they try to embed themselves into my skin and suck the last little bit of lifeblood out of me. Sometimes, I think I am present on this Earth just for them. It's true. Kids are very demanding. They only think of themselves. They both made Christmas lists for themselves this year (as usual). Neither of them made a Christmas list for me! So selfish! I went ahead and used most of the Christmas money to buy myself an IPad so that they could feel better about themselves and feel charitable. Life is too short not to give your kids life lessons.
And just as I get old enough and lonely enough to need them, they will take their power of youth and hostility somewhere else and leave me rotting like an alligator corpse on the side of a swamp-infested back road. Only in my case, I do pick up the alligator if it is still warm. You would too if you knew how expensive alligator meat is. And that is what I will be. Expensive. Rotting. Alligator. Meat.
Ok, so where was I going with this? Oh, yes, Teen Boy got his driver's license today! Teen Boy, if you are reading this, and you probably aren't, you may be a brat sometimes (OK, a lot of the times) but I am still proud of you! Now, I am hungry, can you go to the Hungry Store for me...please?