Monday, December 19, 2011

My Mentally Challenged Alligator--True Story

He was mentally challenged from the get go.  Something just wasn't right.

His name was T'Jacques.  He stayed in my house.  I live in South Louisiana.  Alligators and swamp people are everywhere.  I will take in man-eating birds and alligators into my home, but never swamp  people.  There are some things you draw the line at. 

He stayed in a bathtub in my house.  One day, I was minding my own business and peeped into the bathroom where he stayed to check on him.  He was definitely up to something.  I  walked in there and stared at him.  He hissed at me while I was just minding my own business.  I hated it when he did that, but his mouth was still slightly open.  

"Wow, "I said to self, "my finger would would fit right in there and I wonder if he would bite me and I wonder if it would hurt..." 

 He was only a foot or so long, so I figured that it was worth a shot.

Normally,  when I stick my finger in something's mouth, it doesn't bite me, but this alligator was really dumb. He clamped down so hard it felt like a small car with teeth slamming down onto my finger.  I think he liked the taste of me because he wouldn't let go!   Doesn't he know not to bite the finger that feeds him! 

Do you know how hard it is to unslam a small car with teeth off of your finger that refuses to budge, while you are doing a new dance choreography to pain and your bloodcurdling screams are heard around the world?

That's what I get for minding my own business.  Alligators are so dumb.
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