Man-eating Birds

Have you ever been walking down the sidewalk not poking one of your kids with a sharp object when you glance to the side and in the bushes you notice a small, possibly man-eating bird laying helplessly on the ground hoping a superhero would come along to save it.  I have.  In those precious moments I had to think quickly and so I pushed my child into the street for his safety while I tried to subdue the creature in order to save it's life.

In those moments every second counts, so I tried feverishly to perform mouth to mouth, but being a man-eating bird it tried to bite me on the lip so instead I wrapped it in my child's jacket.  It was too cold to use mine.  Children are resilient to cold temperatures, they bounce back if they get sick and I had to be well enough to take care of the bird.  Anyways, with the bird safely wrapped up I had to pull my child to safety from the street as a car almost hit him. I then brought the bird home to nourish and take care  of him so that he could live a fruitful  and joyous life thanks to me.

As days went by he became better and I knew that it was time to  let it go.  He would chirp these beautiful songs in the morning, like an angel.  If you love something, set it free and I loved it so I went to reach in it's little ward of a cage and as I did he tried to bite me over and over so I grabbed a blunt object and started beating him with it so he would stop biting me and as his squeals became less and less I realized that this was my purpose...to save the world from this man-eating bird.

The world is safe now.  It feels nice to be a superhero.