Saturday, December 1, 2012

How to Fail at Sitting

It's taking a bit longer than what I had originally planned.  Don't get me wrong.  I am not that picky and men have accomplished quite a bit more than me.

I haven't accomplished quite as much.
I'm starting to feel like I haven't accomplished very much in my life.  I'm cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.  It is all part of my trickery to graduate from adult school one day.

I went to a concert last night...Toby Mac. Well, I went because my son wanted to go, but I really wasn't expecting much.  It worked out perfectly with my schedule of having no social life.

I loved it.  It rekindled my lifelong love of rap music that I never loved. Ever.  There was no foul language or I wouldn't have gone.  So, I get there with my ticket and someone, a teenager, had taken my seat.  I didn't want to ask her to move so I wandered the Complex looking for a seat.  I became trapped in a neverending loop of looking for a seat.
I missed the entire first half of the concert.  When I tried sneak into a "non-designated" seating area, someone in security for the Complex yelled at me and I slowly came to the realization that I am forty-one years old and don't understand seating or in general, how to sit.  There is this relentless logic in my head that it should be a simple process for an adult.
I am handicapped by my own reluctance to disturb the lives of others.  I would rather throw a brick at myself than ask someone to get up out of my seat.  I like to think that I am really some sort of superhero when I do things like this.
If romantically challenged were a superpower, I would have saved the world by now, from something.

Yes, my thumbs are bendy.

I actually failed as a wanderer.  There is a whole range of ways for me to fail and I nail them all. 

The security guy who yelled at me saw me sitting in a corner bludgeoning myself in the face with Facebook.

He came over and apologized.  I was cool with that.  After all, I have lightning fast mood swings and switching over from one to another is my greatest power.  I do have a hard time achieving spontaneous combustion, but at this time, that was not necessary.

I'm thinking about checking myself into kindness rehab.  Surely there is help for me.


I am proud to say that I have a friend who is a superhero to me.  She gave up everything and moved her family to Costa Rica (not the part with beaches!) to help those less fortuante.  They moved to the jungle part.  I think monkeys steal their stuff.  Monkeys are tricky.

The economic situation there is pretty bad.  She has started an initiative called Mercy Covers that enables the local women to make quilts for orphans or trafficking survivors.  I hope that you check it out and possibly like and share the Facebook page.  There are no pirates or monkeys.

So, there was this battle of epic proportions going on inside of me.  I hate being a superhero and nobody knows about it.  Honestly, is that selfish or what? But, I think the best credit to me, is that they don't know.  I don't want to start doing things for credit, but just to store in my vault of goodness, which is running dangerously low.

My life is punctuated by unfortunate events.


submit to reddit

52 comments:

  1. To say that you are talented and creative and hysterical would be an understatement, but I'll say it anyway!

    OpinionsToGo

    ReplyDelete
  2. Tracie, you crack me up. You forgot your super power of making peoples lives better...like that person you let stay in your seat. There is a special swing for people like you in the hereafter...built by men of course :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. A girl once tried to take my baby The Hurricane's seat at a concert. That girl ended up moving her ass after making a brief attempt at arguing with me. Take my seat? Well, okay. Take my baby's seat? Not gonna happen.

    Love,
    Janie Junebug

    ReplyDelete
  4. You may think you're too nice, but your kindness helps to even out all of the jerkiness (I can't believe that's a word) in the world. Your also make so many people laugh that it helps to even out all of the sadness. That's your superpower.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I've heard of that group and I do love the work they do. When they pay the people to do something, especially something that helps benefit everyone else, then it just helps everyone and doesn't feel like charity. I much like you am far too nice and don't like inconveniencing anyone. I'd tell you you should have kicked the person out of your seat but I probably wouldn't have done it either.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Tracie, it's great to meet you! Thanks for stopping by my blog and following. :) Enjoyed this post - love your sense of humor! If I were in your shoes at the concert, I'd have probably done the same thing. Have a great weekend!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Don't worry Tracie. You probably wouldn't have liked the seat anyway. Every time I have an assigned seat, it's ended up being next to someone who picked their nose, had terrible body odor, or was so obese they literally sat on me. I think sometimes I would be happier if I just wandered around. :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. I would have done the awkward white man "excuse me, sorry to bother you, but um, you, um are kind I in my seat..."

    Avoiding eye contact as much as possible. Whow

    ReplyDelete
  9. Forget kindness rehab. Go to law school. That'll fix ya!

    ReplyDelete
  10. You are a seriously funny lady.

    ReplyDelete
  11. We should be best friends. I have a terminal niceness problem, too. Maybe there is some sort of twelve-step program?

    Hysterical, as always :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Laaaaaughing...

    I can't get over the peg-legged comment...

    You are extremely talented & awesome. :D

    ReplyDelete
  13. Rather wander the stadium for half the show, than ask the person in your seat to move? You could always come to Canada, you'll fit right in. We apologize for everything. :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. I love Toby Mac we just seen him Nov. 17th he really has a gift and so do you.....humor girl is not something alot of folks have an abundance of so when those other super powers fail you still are ahead of the others.....nice lady giving up her seat hmmm:]

    ReplyDelete
  15. Talent ooozing from your every pore. And nice with it. Go to that twelve step program. Niceness hurts the nicer and only benefits the nicee (if that makes sense).

    ReplyDelete
  16. You should have kicked her arse out of that seat. Tracie, do you want to be a carpet all your life. Get a spine girlfriend! You make me laugh out loud, the best tonic Tracie!
    Di
    xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hey, don't undersell yourself! Sitting on the swing is an important part of the whole swing-hanging process!

    ReplyDelete
  18. haha a little self pity is fine, just rhyme like the feline and all will be divine. Plus being nice will get you some mice, isn't that worth it? Just a little bit?

    ReplyDelete
  19. I wish I could graduate from adult school someday.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Hold on a second, NOT asking someone to get out of a seat that you purchased is somehow a superpower now? I love how you went from monkeys to pirates, that was hilarious.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Always love your posts. I've been meaning to attend a Toby Mac concert someday. Lot of talent and a good message.

    Oh, and I'd give up my seat for you anytime. You wouldn't even have to ask. :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, I know you would. Wish there were more guys out there like you.

      Delete
  22. buy a gun - name it 'kindness' - kill people with 'kindness' :P lol

    ReplyDelete
  23. I just love your imagination and sarcastic spin on things. Always a joy to come here.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Way too nice, girl, way too nice! And that last skeleton--is that your butt bone hanging between your thighs? I was confused.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, it slipped. I also only have six toes.

      Delete
  25. OMG Tracie - your blog is drop dead funny, will follow as soon as I can find the followy button thing. Thanks for dropping by.

    ReplyDelete
  26. You are always entertaining Tracie:) Always a laugh!

    ReplyDelete
  27. You are a superhero. By the way, I can sit with the best of them. I'm happy to share my expertise.

    ReplyDelete
  28. I am an expert at sitting down. If you want lessons, I will consider taking you on as my apprentice.

    ReplyDelete
  29. LOL! I just love your blog. Thanks for the laughs and empathy I feel. In my book, you're a superheroine. I think waiting for the right one is the way to go, whether sitting, standing or lying down on a diet like that skeleton guy/girl. I used to run after guys, and that scared them away or I'd end up with psychotics.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Wellllll . . . I'm glad you enjoyed Toby Mac. He IS awesome. And I'm glad your son likes him, too, and wanted to go to a concert with you. And, I know it's not part of the funny story, but where did you end up sitting?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I walked around for a while, sat in the lobby for a while, and finally ended up just standing on the first level where some stairs were. No one sat the entire concert so I blended in.

      Delete
  31. The kind of concerts that I go to don't afford you the luxury of wandering, since there are technically no seats... just a big open floor and lots of people pushing each other forward toward the stage. If you leave, you get to come back to some hipster that says, "No, I was here first, bro."

    ReplyDelete
  32. Apparently college students are world-class sitters: http://richardgilbert.me/2012/12/03/perchance-to-sit/

    ReplyDelete
  33. Wow, a rap concert. I would have so much fun there if it wasn't rap music being played or a place with lots of people. Other than that, I would have a blast. Oh, and I'm married. I would rather a stranger put up my swings.

    ReplyDelete
  34. You need to embrace the art of crowd surfing.

    ReplyDelete
  35. I think we will remain spinsters forever :)

    ReplyDelete
  36. Well, I'm glad the security guard apologized, but boo to the person sitting in your seat! I hope you somewhat enjoyed the part of the concert you saw?

    Thanks for stopping by!

    Shannon at Writing From the Peak

    ReplyDelete
  37. Funny stuff. I also like Toby Mac. I also, also have a hard time sitting down.

    ReplyDelete
  38. I've given up on trying to get likes on Facebook. I have more important things to do, like get promoted in Starcraft. :P

    ReplyDelete
  39. Will you please give me some of your nice genes???? I would have opened up a can of whoop ass on the person sittin' in my seat. I'm such a redneck.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Find yourself a great cape! Problem solved!! :)

    ReplyDelete
  41. "I don't want to start doing things for credit, but just to store in my vault of goodness, which is running dangerously low."

    Good for you Tracie! Too many people do things for the pat on the back, not because it is the right, nice thing to do. :)

    S

    ReplyDelete
  42. Being an unrecognized hero can be a downer.

    Thank goodness for those lightening fast mood swings. You'll be feeling better in 5...4...3...

    Signed,
    She Who Invented Lightening Fast Mood Swings

    ReplyDelete
  43. I would have made the kid move. I have the issue where even when I've said nothing I look like I'm going to rip someone's head off. It's a burden I happily wear. People usually leave me the hell alone.

    ReplyDelete
  44. oh how I miss the days of my son going anywhere with me!!
    how cool you are :)

    love your sense of humor
    thanks for the visit

    ReplyDelete
  45. I think the phrase "perfect man" is a kind of oxymoron...

    ReplyDelete