Tuesday, June 12, 2012

How to Be Professionally Rejected

Most of you may have read my post about how I was born allergic to myself.  If you didn't, you may want to read this first.   My blood supply came from this guy:
This was in the early '70's .  Blood didn't go through a hundred types of testing back then, nor did they care who it came from.  All they knew is that it came.


Because of my exposure to every disease known to mankind, I cannot donate blood.

I am a walking, talking epitome of rejection. Rejection's poster child.  

I actually have tried to donate, but received my rejection letter in the mail that my services would no longer be needed under any circumstances.
I was really bummed because I was counting on having a lifetime supply of free t-shirts as my wardrobe.  Also, it hurts just a bit to know that the United Blood Services hasn't completely dismissed me as a threat.  


The year 1971 was an eventful year for me.  I expected birth and I got it.  After a lifetime of feeling inadequate in my shared cave of hope (someone was in there with me cramping my space, but that is another story) I expected party balloons or some type of reception like a fancy dress gala upon my grand entrance into the world.    Instead, I received the Constitutional right to bear weapons of mass destruction.

I had these mad "being born" skills that seemed to be such a waste.  I only got to use them once.  I may have done a bit better being born in the monkey world.   I was on a gazillion year waiting list for being birthed and thought I would be totally professional about it. 
Over the years, I have perfected the art of rejection.  It doesn't take much.  My secret is simple.
Being different severely reduced my pay-all award of having an easy life.  I was never in the "easy life" line, though I know a few people who swear by it.


Besides a few bathroom bloopers and my fevered dreams of being the world's greatest superhero not coming to pass, overall I am very satisfied.  People tell me that I can be a "kick in the teeth" sometimes.  I'm thinking that is a good thing.


Most of you know  me well enough by now to know that I am a full die-hard fan of doing good in the world.  I'm not really notorious...or are I?


My gut tells me to keep going.  
It is OK to be different.  My problem is I want to improve on everything I look at, whether it is a pair of shoes, a cheesecake or a person.


I always see things better.  Some people see things in a negative light.  I don't.  Some people don't understand that.  I don't understand why people are negative.  It blows my mind.  But, once again, that would make them "different" so I try not to judge.  


I'm not great with advice, but I have a million sarcastic comments to offer.   This is my own personal advice that I offer to myself and for the first time ever I am making available to the public.  
Being like everyone else is as cheap as a gang tattoo.  


Be amazing.


Oh, and while you are busy being amazing donate blood on my behalf. submit to reddit

78 comments:

  1. I really hope that you are rich and famous because, you should be...rich and famous that is. You are like a comedianne and a philosopher rolled into one!

    OpinionsToGo

    ReplyDelete
  2. You should indeed always strive to be different. The blood people don't know what they're missing out on by passing you up. They could at least have let you keep the short as a "We're sorry" gift. It's good to see the light in things, the good in people, and not reject them so quickly. You might find someone amazing hidden beneath something dark and ugly.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ahh, blood giving freaks me out ahhhhh! Sorry. I'm such a wuss. I wish I had a good excuse for not giving blood. The truth is, it'll make me pass out. Because I'm that big of a wuss.

    ReplyDelete
  4. It sucks that you can't donate blood. =/ I'm sorry.

    On the bright side, I'm willing to donate blood on your behalf and the advice you offered yourself is great advice to offer anyone!

    ReplyDelete
  5. No free shirts? No tiny juice boxes or sugar cookies? It's like being Amish. I'll give double the blood on your behalf...that's not dangerous right?

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'd love to donate blood, and in fact did donate several gallons before I decided to be me. But gay blood has been determined to be as unacceptable as Tracie blood.

    But that's OK, I think there is only so much fabulousness that a donor can take...

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hilarious! I know the feeling of rejection...the children go to their dad's, I go to the Red Cross to donate blood. Oh no, the ultimate rejection!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I love your posts- always a great read!

    ReplyDelete
  9. pfft. . . way ahead of you. On the "be amazing" part. That was understood. . . right?

    You are safe from vampires.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Yeah: rejection, failure, inability to be a professional success. Been there, kept on going.
    The rejections just make me stronger and more determined. Keep on fighting the good fight. :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. I've been kicked off the lists. Too much Plavix, it seems. You'd thing they could just find someone who needs blood with Plavix.

    ReplyDelete
  12. It's amazing to me how well you use art and humor to articulate powerful and complicated concepts. Your blog is a joy to read.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I never got a t-shirt for giving blood, but I got a lousy little pin when I had given a gallon.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
  14. That Facebook comment killed me. Hilarious.

    I have always been different and I love it. I also don't understand negative folks. I have been through a lot in life and always walk around with my chin up for the most part. Until I feel stabby. But we won't count those days k?

    ReplyDelete
  15. I loved this post! the illustrated art work is especially brilliant!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Great slogan! I would donate for you, but I'd end up face-planting afterwards. I get really REALLY dizzy every time. :)

    ReplyDelete
  17. If being different goes hand in hand with being hysterically funny, I would say the rest of us are glad you weren't in the easy-life line. (as we get to benefit from your humor) I do hope that you find riches in the form that makes you happy.

    Our church has a blood drive on a regular schedule and the ladies of the church serve everyone home baked pie after they give blood. I am trying to calculate how many times I can get in line without being caught and without dying. It is still a work in progress. If I quit commenting on your blog, you can assume I miscalculated.

    ReplyDelete
  18. That DOES seem like a tricky situation. Maybe you could draw your own blood and preserve it cryogenically and when you go in for needing triple-bypass heart surgery in thirty years, you can be like, "don't worry boys, no need to go out and collect 100 liters. I brought my own." They'd probably give you a big pat on the back and maybe a cookie, and maybe even a t-shirt then.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I don't try to improve cheesecake, unless by improve you mean eat.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I am like you, I believe in being different... I'm quirky and I like it:) I like quirky people:)

    ReplyDelete
  21. Quirky is best, and you are the best quirky I've read. You're great and different and funny and totally weird --the best quirky. Great post! ~R

    ReplyDelete
  22. I love the message! And it's a true "be unique" message, unlike the hipster "Be different, like everyone else" message...

    Sorry you can't donate blood. I'm allergic to it, but have some type of magical rare blood, so I go in (and pass out) as often as I can. Keep on keepin' on!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Wow. Not to mention you are missing a life time of free cookies. Wait, are they even passing out cookies when you donate anymore? They had better be.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I'd give but they said mine was flammable.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Here in Canada it's illegal to sell your blood but you can sell your plasma. When I was an impoverished university student, I used to do that even though I hated having the needle put in my arm. Then one day, the nurse couldn't get it in. She called the doctor over to help. His nickname 'round the donation facility was "the butcher." He deserved it. I'm scarred for life now and have never given blood (or plasma) since.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Being the same is never going to happen for me, the cat can be negative but in a funny way, as I try to remain up beat no matter what life sends my way, as crap is going to happen, so may as well improve it.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Gosh. Your blood bank rejection made me feel better. I got banned in Hawaii because my blood pressure dropped and the nurse thought I was dead. I guess she wanted to make sure I didn't die on anybody's watch so I got a letter from the Big Blood Bank on the Mainland that said Thanks, but No Thanks, not ever! Hey, I'll buy the first round!

    ReplyDelete
  28. Hurrah for bettering cheesecake!!! How do you actually get blood delivered by the bomb squad...and oh, you can still be a super hero...your blood could kill the Twilight vampires...maybe? Please, so my wife will stopping watching them.

    ReplyDelete
  29. My blood is too negative. Years of practice and too much iron...y. Damn, I made myself laugh. Now the blood suckers will come and drag me away for not being negative enough.

    Awesome post. Always a blast reading you.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Everyone in the world should print this out and paste it up, and read it often.

    ReplyDelete
  31. I've always wondered if I would be able to donate blood in the States - having lived in a third world country all my life. I'm starting to think not lol. I've donated here though and it was quite the experience. I should share it someday. You can come to India and donate if you want - I'm sure they would welcome you :)

    *blows on nails* I'm not on Facebook.

    ReplyDelete
  32. i've never donated blood. always have just enough for me i've been told. sometimes i'm anaemic. mostly my pressure is on the low side. when i get angry or worked up over something, its probably normal then. lol.

    be amazing !

    ReplyDelete
  33. I thought everyone could donate blood?!
    WHAT IS THIS INSANITY!

    ReplyDelete
  34. Oh how I empathise. I was put on a life time ban here from giving blood and it still gives me the huffs. I had viewed it as a relatively easy community service for which I could receive kudos and free lollies each month. And then they slapped the ban on me. Humph. Be like that then. All the more for me. Or something.

    ReplyDelete
  35. It's the bloody needle phobia that has me done in!

    ReplyDelete
  36. I am practically on the floor right now, in convulsions from all the laughing and I blame no one but you and your amazing sense of humor. That was awesome!

    Hugs

    ReplyDelete
  37. LOL. Nothing wrong with walking to the beat of your own drum. Rejection and I have gotten to know eachother well over the last few years.

    ReplyDelete
  38. I would think, that if you can survive drinking the bleach kool-aid as well as thriving with the blood of a hobo coursing through your veins, that your blood should be in demand as some type of super hero blood? Also, it's too bad you couldn't have made a career from the birthing talent. It's always the thing you're good at that never seems to be in demand. Too bad. :)

    ReplyDelete
  39. I'll donate in your honor next week. And Nutella on cheesecake is the way to go.

    ReplyDelete
  40. I think the greatest insult is if someone told me I'm like everyone else. I think for most artistic types (like yourself), it's true. We don't want to be the same, we want different. Embrace your differences and your multi-secret-organization watchlist status.

    ReplyDelete
  41. I can totally relate to this post, I love it. Thanks for your great writing; I love reading your blog.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Wait, there was an easy line? I will have the husband donate plasma in your name next time (in order to be different in this house, I will not donate blood since he already is...lame excuse, I know)--I will gladly send you his next t-shirt!

    ReplyDelete
  43. Lol @ bathroom bloopers.

    I just donated recently and will dedicate that one to you.

    ReplyDelete
  44. The first, and only time I gave blood, I was 18 years old and a Senior in high school. I wanted to do it simply because I could :) I didn't even need my mother's permission. Of course, I did need my mother to come and pick me up from school after I passed out three times and vomited all over myself in the hall way. Suffice it to say, I still don't donate...It has been many years since I made that horrible decision, but I still can't bring myself to try. I am forever grateful that there are other people out there who are willing and able to donate. Oh, and they gave me a cookie, but no T-shirt...and I puked up the cookie...

    http://mommypluscoffee.blogspot.com/2012/06/how-do-you-forget-to-eat-because-i-need.html

    ReplyDelete
  45. Well at least you have a good reason not to donate. I can't really donate because I'm way too thin. Seriously, I tried to donate once, didn't fill the whole bag and nearly passed out.

    Yeah... Kind of embarrassing...

    ReplyDelete
  46. I know its for a good cause, but the thought of giving blood has me in a cold sweat. I can't stand needles, and sharp things within the vicinity of my body. Eeek, Im freaking myself out right now.

    ReplyDelete
  47. Well, I dun gived some blood on your behalf! (a few years ago). I haven't given in the recent past though...not sure why, I never know when they're gonna be taking blood and I just sit there in front of my computer, punching keys, day in and day out, till one day I notice that I failed to give blood again.

    Oh Crap! I exclaim, but I have a plan, if anyone confronts me about not giving blood, I'll just tell them I already gave at the office.

    ReplyDelete
  48. So true. I've always been told that I walk to my own beat but I never really considered what it was that I was doing that gave me that distinction. Maybe I am just oblivious to the fact that I'm getting weird looks from everyone.. Nice post :)

    ReplyDelete
  49. I'm with you! No gang tattoo for me. But I've never given blood. I'm a 44 year old woman in a child-Hobbit-sized 100 lb body. I've never made the 115 lb weight requirement for donating. Sorry!

    ReplyDelete
  50. I no longer can give blood (no need to go into why...let's just say I can't).
    Anyway....
    There was a time back in the 70s when a young sailor and his friends found themselves without money as the prospect of a long weekend on the ship loomed.
    Then a thought occurred that they could sell their blood at the blood bank in downtown Norfolk.
    My mother may have called me a ghoul, but that $7.00 paid for a movie and the bus ride to the mall (trust me, $7.00 went a lot farther back in those days).

    ReplyDelete
  51. Last time I gave blood I fainted and they gave me a lollipop. It was three weeks ago. I am thirty give.

    ReplyDelete
  52. What if your super power is that you have some sort of freaking awesome acid blood that you could just use to bleed on all the bad guys?! Sounds like you're already a superhero to me!

    ReplyDelete
  53. I want to donate blood, and I have in the past, but now I am afraid. What if they forget about me as it's being drawn, and before you know it, I am just a little prune lying on the floor?

    ReplyDelete
  54. I've always wanted to donate blood as well, but the drives always catch me by surprise- usually after i've had something sweet or horribly fatty food.

    ReplyDelete
  55. I love your personal advice that you've now released to the world Tracie.
    Different is good. It's fun ;D)

    ReplyDelete
  56. Tracie you are not alone.I too have been shunned by the blood bank.

    ReplyDelete
  57. I would totally let you donate a bag of blood to me. (and yay for being different)

    ReplyDelete
  58. Wandered over to say thank you for your yarn on Bizarre Scribble and i hope to hear from you in the future :-).

    ReplyDelete
  59. Yikes. I didn't know the Red Cross turned anyone away that wasn't, you know, certifiably ill with a blood-born disease. I wasn't aware they had a box to check off for: Blood transfusion from shady donor.

    At the very least, they could have let you *think* you'd donated, then quietly disposed of the blood, just to spare your fe ;)

    ReplyDelete
  60. I'm regularly turned away from giving blood...partially due to being ill when they come around to collect it, but mainly due to my fear of needles and the fact they want armfuls of the stuff.

    ReplyDelete
  61. Guess what I can't give blood either they don't want my blood that has little to no iron in it bloody hell iron in the blood is a must have who would have figured..........so I am ready willing abut not able to give blood so don't blame me blame my blood for not being good enough..........

    ReplyDelete
  62. I am always at the end of the comment stream. Have you noticed that? I may be late to the party but I do show up. I can give blood,in fact I am what they want the most of. When I give blood the next time, it will be in your name AND I will post it on Facebook to make sure that who ever is not walking beside you knows. :D

    ReplyDelete
  63. I too got turned away from the blood bank, just because I have "AIDS" and "Malaria." I mean, come on, way to discriminate.

    (I don't have either of those things. At least... I hope I don't...)

    ReplyDelete
  64. Not the dreaded taekwondobirdflu!!!!! I'm going to wipe my screen down with alcohol :)

    ReplyDelete
  65. I can't give blood and that is one of life's problems that I don't mind. It could be worse. Very cute blog. My first visit but not the last. Love the drawings and humor!

    ReplyDelete
  66. What a fun post! I have to say I enjoyed it, even though I have never even tried to give blood. Does that make me different? :D

    ReplyDelete
  67. You're amazing, I'm just trying to catch up.

    ReplyDelete
  68. I often wondered why I always walk down the road that hardly anyone is with me. I should have know Facebook would the reason.

    Lovin' your blog, and just about to read some more.

    ReplyDelete
  69. Sigh... I really want to donate blood, but I'm afraid of needles. And then I drew blood for a test and saw it wasn't too bad. So I was going to donate.

    But then the test results came back and I have to take hormone medication that's not compatible with donating blood.

    This is the second time it happened.

    ReplyDelete
  70. I'm a different person every time I wake up. It's kinda frustrating though because sometimes I forget who I am. Different is good, as long as you are still the same!

    ReplyDelete
  71. Next time I donate blood, I'll be thinking of you!

    ReplyDelete
  72. I do and I will...donate blood, that is. I feel like a superhero when I do. Know why? Because I am GREATER THAN MEDICAL SCIENCE! They can't come up with an alternative to real, living, blood. I rock.

    I agree about being positive. Negative Nancy's drain me.

    ReplyDelete
  73. Different is definitely best. Much more fun...

    ReplyDelete
  74. Hey,

    I absolutely love reading your blog. I gave you an award on my blog if you'd like to stop by sometime and pick it up.

    http://beckyispassingthrough.blogspot.in/

    ReplyDelete
  75. Before I go on to take your advice and be amazing, I wanted to stop by and let you know I've given you the Fabulous Blog Ribbon. Stop by my page and pick it up!

    ReplyDelete
  76. You've gone AWOL! Hope everything is well with you. I'm missing your posts, could do with a good giggle :-)
    Di
    X

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry, I have been having serious internet issues. I don't live in the middle of a swamp...but may as well! Thank you for the kind words!

      Delete
  77. Hi there! I tried to leave you a comment but I see that it didn't go through! Just wanted to tell you this post is HILARIOUS and that I love your blog. Saw your name under my followers list and wanted to stop by to say hello! I joined your blog on your GFC but it appears under the name Marcia Doyle instead of Menopausalmother, just so you know it's me! Thanks for sharing!

    ReplyDelete