Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Crack is Back!

I suppose some of you have noticed that I have been "AWOL."   Let me give you a sample of what is going on in my life and when I am done I will give you a "high five" for putting up with me.


First, I have been trying really hard getting into inventing. 

Actually, it looks more round like a pancake and is made of flour.  I am still working out some bumps in the road because it tastes more like a pancake and not as much like bacon.  Minor details.


There is a project on my board that I am very excited about and has nothing to do with bacon (I just threw bacon in here because I will get one billion hits from it).  Thank you Google.


Inventing is my stupid human trick that I do when my life is not as much high definition as I want it to be.  Yes, my TV is one of those high definition plasmas that can hang on the wall, but my life is usually way more high definitioner!


When I present my new invention to the public, you are all going to hit yourself on your own head and say

Also, Hurricane Debby missed my area so I have been busy eating the 25 cans of spinach I had stockpiled for the event.  The 5-day forecast put it hitting us dead on with torrential rain. 
I really believe that it should be called a fivecast instead of a forecast, but what do I know, I live in a swamp.


Torrential? I looked  up the definition of torrential on dictionary.com.
Then I took it upon myself to look up "impassioned."  I didn't look up vehement.  It just sounds gross and violent, much like Lindsay Lohan on a Friday night or a Saturday through Thursday night. 


Yes, that is exactly how I like my rain.  Filled with intense feelings and passionate.  Why can't men be raindrops? Six BILLION people on this planet and I can't find one man.  I don't need more than one.  How many men does it take to change a lightbulb, cut my grass, paint my walls or pressure wash my house? Just one.


Lately, I have been focusing on getting more beauty sleep.  I used to only get about 5 hours a night...maybe. Now, I get about 8 hours, 9 if I am feeling extra ugly.  


I haven't had Nutella in a while (and have lost 10 lbs.) but found myself in a (withdrawal) bind a few days ago and out of sheer desperation called the Nutella Hotline. 

For a while there I was starting to feel like a parade balloon.  It required six or more people to navigate me to my couch.   I would have to spray myself with a can of Pam to make it easier to pry myself up from any chair.   


I joined a gym, but I am saving that one for an entire post!  Let's just say the "working out" stuff is working!  I don't lick the screen anymore when a Hershey commercial comes on, well, not as much.  I am even thinking about signing up for Karate (at the age of 41).  


Seriously, between internet not working in the middle of this lovely swamp I call home and me being a famous inventor AND working out I have neglected my blog and I apologize.  I hope that you guys will continue to put up with me.  I miss reading your blogs and love reading your lovely comments! Also, to those of you who have given me awards, please do not think that I have forgotten you.  I get about 10 awards a month, so it is difficult for me to post them since I only get to do a few posts a month, but I do appreciate the recognition and remember who they are from!



Nutella--even the word tastes good!







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112 comments:

  1. Why remove bacon? If anything, the world loves bacon. Make bacon flavored Nutella, combine awesome with awesome, and become the next celebrity chef?

    Welcome back, by the way.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Tracie!

    In the picture of you on the phone with the Nutella Prevention Line (1-800-STAY-THIN) it appears that you are holding a teensy tiny dumbell. Is that your number one weight loss trick? You carry this inconceivably small dumbell around (that most likely weighs 150 pounds, just ultra-concentrated)? I like your style! I think it is very nice of you to not be all braggy about your waaaay cool mini-dumbells (and BTW, is that the invention?).

    Can you please make t-shirts soon? I want mine to say, "CRACK-- good for you, and funny too!" or "Get your CRACK back!" Or, "Plumbers ain't the only ones with CRACK" or "CRACK attack!" or "My kids like CRACK and so do I!" or "Hooked on CRACK with no remorse."

    You get the idea.

    xxo
    MOV

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha I forgot to put the phone cord. This was probably my most thrown together post ever and full of mistakes. Why didn't I draw a cell phone?

      The shirts should say, "Hooked on Crack!"

      There might be some remorse...

      Delete
  3. Hahah for some reason, I never got into nutella. Weird?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is mostly for us chocolate lovers/people who eat constantly without thinking of the consequences.

      Delete
  4. I might be the only person on this planet who has never tasted Nutella. Hmmm. Maybe I should...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, you will regret it! Best not to start. I am having some serious withdrawals!

      Delete
  5. I'm not really sure that you can improve on bacon?

    Perhaps you should focus your efforts toward the Nutella reality show. Maybe you could get a Peanut Butter spin-off and do one of those crossover shows? Oh man, this could be a goldmine. I shouldn't be talking about this out in the open until you have your HBO deal signed?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Actually, the is a good idea except the spin-off would be "The Fat Actress" because well, you know...

      Delete
    2. You might not be able to improve upon the meat candy known as bacon, but what can't be improved by making it taste like bacon? Pancakes are a perfect example. Sheer genius!

      Delete
  6. On those weather forecasts they should hire two weathermen to bracket the weather possibilities. One could be all "Meteors! Solar flares! Lots of wind - it'll mess your hair up! Probably gonna be some rain, too, that'll drop on you like the Atlantic, so GET A BOAT!"

    And then you'd have a short intermission, and the next dude would be all "Go to the park, have a nice time. Maybe bring a jacket." And you just choose to follow whichever one channels your feelings for the day.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Our weather people pretty much just hang out on TV. I think I heard a blender once in the background.

      Delete
  7. Have you ever had a Nutella smoothie? Harder to kick than heroin.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. W H A T???

      I had better never try one. It would be over for me.

      Delete
  8. Did you know there's a class-action lawsuit against Nutella? It alleges that they misrepresent with the "healthy breakfast" promo. True. I joined. Hey, it's $5 a jar, up to 5 jars. I won't stop eating, but at least I'll get some free jars. You should add that part into your show. I missed you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You mean it is not healthy? I believe everything I see, especially commercials. I actually had to go "cold turkey" on the Nutella. I can't even walk down the Nutella isle in the grocery store.

      No lies, no fries.

      Delete
  9. Nutella lost that class-action suit. Turns out it isn't healthy in any way. We need to think of another excuse to eat it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I got me a bag full of excuses to eat it. No problem there.

      Delete
  10. "I just threw bacon in here because I will get one billion hits from it"
    Free publicity indeed. What is it about bacon?

    Meh, no problem. Welcome back. The blogspot world is one of acceptance.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! For the record, I don't eat bacon...ughhh.

      Delete
  11. Enjoy the spinach and you're definitely not forgotten ;-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for always being a part of my posts!

      Delete
  12. The main thing stopping you from getting a man, as far as I can see, is the bacon free bacon. Now, if you were to invent bacon filled bacon, they'd be beating at your door. Your bacon would bring all the boys to the yard.

    Here's an informative video about bacon:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSReSGe200A

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, the bacon free bacon is probably hindering my manfinding efforts.

      Delete
  13. How funny Tracie... I know what you mean though. I am happy to see you are losing the weight, I was doing great for over 3 months and then the last month has been a write off, I am not giving up, I just need to get motivated again:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am doing low carb and it is working great!

      Delete
  14. I kind of overdosed on Nutella when I lived in Germany and I just can't face it any more. Same goes for tequila. Nutella was really cheap over there and I just couldn't stop myself.... the tequila was free and... well. It's good to have you back :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, I actually have gone cold turkey on Nutella. Can't even look at a jar for fear I will attac it.

      Delete
  15. I'm not too sure about Nutella. It sounded like a good idea, but I think chocolate spread only works, and tastes good, if you aren't spreading it. Better to just buy a spoon and eat it out of the tub. There's also a lot of bacon free bacon out there, almost none of which actually tastes like bacon :( It's just very difficult, if not impossible, to recreate the awesome taste of bacon. I'm glad the working out is going well, don't overdo it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I work out about an hour a day. One day I will be able to lift a car.

      Delete
  16. To me, Nutella is chocolate's poor relation. There's no initial crunch. That first delicious chunk in the mouth that you can bite on to release its inner goodness. Nutella is like chocolate that someone has already melted in their mouth and spat into a jar. Give me the chunk every time. Hope I haven't turned you off Nutella :-)
    Di
    X

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  17. Glad to see Crack is back in action!!!! Oh, and that darn Debby is a witch (I should know) so be grateful she didn't come your way).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sadly, hurricane season just started. It just messes up my weekends.

      Delete
  18. And I still haven't tried Nutella. I remember when Nutella only meant something in other countries. Vacationing in Mexico meant being ridiculed for eating peanut butter, and that made me a boring American. Now, Tracie, now...there is... Nutella porn.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, I won't be trying...or doing that. I especially love peanut butter mixed with it. Peanut fat mixed with chocolate fat...mmmmm.

      Delete
  19. Wait, there's a way to NOT lick the screen when a Hershey's commercial comes on? How? Is that your invention, some way to block the chocolate addiction receptors in the brain?
    And don't worry, during summer, no one expects consistent posting.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, and it is too hot to blog. I will keep your addiction brain receptor (did I say that right?) in mind.

      Delete
  20. Wow, way to go! I need to lose weight but my sin isn't Nutella, it's absolutely everything else filled with calories. Maybe I should go to a gym. I would like to invent a gym that came to me with exercise I like to do. Is that too much to ask?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Somebody invented a gym called a couch and I do that well. It works off very little calories, though.

      Delete
  21. Never have eaten Nutella and now I'm glad, don't think my little rhyming rump could handle 200 pounds..lol...or all that rain.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I couldn't handle snow, so it is a nice trade. I don't shovel things. You should try Nutella if you want a nice rhyming addiction. I'm quite sure you could find something to to rhyme with it!

      Delete
  22. Holy Shatner! I love Bacon. Nutella is okay as far as I am concerned, but my kids think it is Crack! The gym is overrated! I have been losing weight too, but mainly due to the fact that I have been too busy to go to the grocery store and there is almost NO food in my house!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am always running low on food, so hopefully, that one will play out soon!

      Delete
  23. They can never get the weather right for my area either. Mainly becasue I live in the mountains and the hills will hold the rain clouds at gun point for several hours just to fuck with the weather poeple.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Our weather people just drink coffee on air.

      Delete
  24. Welcome back! Glad you weren't totally trampled by Hurricane Debbie! Bacon and Nutella? You have my undivided attention!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! Well, I don't think I could ever mix the two, but you probably have given some brainchild out there a new creation.

      Delete
  25. I don't think Nutella is all that hot, I tired it once, to see what all the fuss was about. Bacon's OK once in a while, I've never used Pam and reading this, I felt I may just be a bit out of touch.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't care for pork products. I rarely, if ever eat them.

      Delete
  26. Woohoo on the ten pounds! I haven't had any bacon this month. I need to go buy some immediately.

    I am losing weight on accident. It's kind of awesome.

    And you reminded me that I'm going to inappropriately ask the new boyfriend when he's going to get around to pressure washing my house.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Men are so good at doing stuff that we don't want to do. I love them just for that.

      Delete
  27. Awww, I know ima not being TC (Tracie Correct) by saying "YOU SUGAH YOU!" ~ I did notice you'd been around less. I try not to let on to folks, I've been buried in my own g-ma chaos recently. Other than home and garden chores (my own), my plan was not to have a daily plan, be that 'free & unencumbered spirit' etc.
    * * *
    That ain't working out with my twitter addiction, my own blog and my ability to navigate cyberspace to read-up & COMMENT on some of these very delightful blogs ~ including YOU & YOURS!
    * * *
    I liked everything you said. My favorite was your thought of signing up for Karate to be able to kick and punch people without anyone calling the cops. Aww, there are days that would be such a SUHWEEET release!
    * * *
    Very best wishes on your 'inventing', 'inventions' ~ if I was to tell you I think you have a very beautiful brain, would you promise not to 'head butt' me with it?
    * * *
    LOVE YA! ima your friend @grammakaye on twitter.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for always making my day! I have been wanting to do martial arts for years, but the thought of wearing all white drives me insane. I can't do it. I need color!

      Delete
  28. I still haven't tried nutella. I'm not afraid of it. I could kick nutella's ASS. Come at me, nutella!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Try it, you will be under its tight grasp forever.

      Delete
  29. THANK GOD you're back. You are so much better than a prized turnip. You're like a prized, Nutella-covered rose. Love the weather report. xoxo Mar

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow, thank you! You always say great things!

      Delete
  30. Tracie! I've missed you but sounds like you've been busy what with a hurricane bearing down and Nutella withdrawals and all. Way to go on the weight loss and the gym thing!! Whoo hoo!

    Just saw your comment on Ken's post (I can NOT believe I won that tractor! I don't ever win anything!) about the Dude Write thing.....I know we gals dominate Blogville, but maybe we could create a blog club! Or do some sort of Gal blog hop or something. Would love to do that!

    How could we go about it?

    Glad you're back!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think that is a great idea! My problem is limited time. I believe all that has to be done is start another blog and let the coolest people in the world roll in. I am totally in with the Girl's Club---no boys allowed!

      Love it and thanks!

      Delete
  31. What is it with nutella? It's a craze sweeping across the blogosphere. Every other blog I visit, there is nutella, staring me down! I never seen or heard of it until recently.

    I have a collection of awards myself, yet to be "displayed" or even acknowledged on my blog. I'm not into those tagging things but the thought is nice. I have just the thing planned for these "awards"

    Bacon is an essential part of my diet! Curse you for mentioning bacon! I want bacon! BACON BACON BACON BACON! I hope your invention is successful....then you could say something like "Dogs don't know it's not bacon!"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I receive quite a few awards every month and love them, but don't have my blog set up to display them. I still have trouble figuring this thing out.

      Actually, I don't like pork products, so bacon is on my no eat list. I do like the name, though.

      Delete
  32. Ummm... bacon, yum... I applaud your attempts at making bacon free bacon so that people who can't eat bacon know how good it tastes and what they're missing out on (e.g: my mom)

    Well, glad that the hurricane didn't get you as well.

    And i'm staying out of Nutella's grasp... as it is I have too many things I'm addicted to already :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is about my only addiction...well, anything within the chocolate family. Fortunately, that is it, so I guess I am doing good.

      I agree with you, though, if you are addicted to other things stay away from it! Cold turkey for me!

      Delete
  33. Spinach is definitely what I would stockpile in an emergency. Not. Nutella, now . . .
    Really enjoyed this post. Signing up for more of them! Hit me!

    ReplyDelete
  34. I am sorry that you missed out on the sexy rain!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was sad, but glad to actually know that is what real rain is supposed to be!

      Delete
  35. Bah. Forget the dumbells. Carry a couple of bottles of Nutella around all the time and you'll lose all kinds of weight!

    As for hurricanes, it's obvious. HERicanes are out to get you. It's the HIMicanes you want. Yeah. Those things will do all your household chores AND look ripped while they fan you next to the trailer park pool...:o) You need to order a few of THOSE.

    ReplyDelete
  36. bwhahah. .... Loving the whole Lindsey Lohan, vehement... awesome! Glad you didn't get hit by Debby.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Not a big fan of Nutella. But oh, how I love the bacon! Try not to keep it in the house cuz I would eat the whole pack.

    Congrats on the weight loss! I'm trying to lose as well and at my age, I guess it's not that easy. Curses! dang hormones.

    Welcome back, love your blog!

    ReplyDelete
  38. I'm confused. How come I've given up Nutella and still gained 10lbs?
    I'm guessing substituting it with 2 snickers bar, a cream egg and a family size bag of peanut M&Ms doesn't help.

    Glad to have you back Tracie, you have been well missed! :)

    ReplyDelete
  39. I mean, actually, Nutella salad dressing would proably be pretty good! Makes me want to experiement with making a Nutella vinegrette. I like Pad Thai with it's peanut butter sauce. I like mole, chocolate sauce for chicken...so it stands to reason that a nutty, chocolatey dressing for salad would work!

    ReplyDelete
  40. How 'bout Nutella-flavored bacon-free bacon? Crunchy like bacon, tasty like Nutella. Formulate it so that it'll even get greasy like bacon. All the baconess that everyone loves, without the bacon. Humane groups will champion you as a hero for this tasty invention that saves thousands of pigs each year. A hero! You'll be a freaking hero!

    Sorry. I just came from a blog post about licking toads. I think it had a psychedelic effect on me. :D Glad to see a new post from you!

    ReplyDelete
  41. TRACIE! So nice to hear from you again... although I did just follow a random link about bacon to get here. (yay Google!) Good luck on your invention! (Especially if it has to do with bacon.)

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  42. Nutella kicks ass.

    Love,
    Janie Junebug

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  43. I've never had Nutella but everyone keeps telling me to try it. Maybe one of these days, I'll actually remember it when I go to the store. lol

    ReplyDelete
  44. Bacon, Bacon, Bacon.....do comments get hits too???

    I was wondering what happened to the Crack in my blog.
    Life gets busy, for all of us bloggers. ;) Way to go on your weight loss too.

    ReplyDelete
  45. You should totally do Karate! It is the best thing ever!
    No hyperbole was harmed in the making of this comment

    I've been taking Tae Kwon Do for about three years now and I love it. I thought it would be cool, but I had now idea how much I'd love it. I even like Tae Kwon Do more than mangoes (and that is saying something).

    I just earned my black belt last summer and when I started, well lets say I was incredibly over weight and in terrible health. I was almost 300 lbs and I couldn't walk up a flight of stairs (slowly) without being out of breath.

    I LOVE KARATE (TAE KWON DO IN THIS CASE!)

    DO IT TRACIE, JUST DO IT!

    Here is a (well, a serious post) about Tae Kwon Do:
    http://reasonable-thought.blogspot.com/2012/03/confrontation-frightful-visage.html

    GO DO SOME PUNCHING AND KICKING...IT'S AWESOME!

    ReplyDelete
  46. You call it pressure-washing your house?

    BTW, don't ever buy Biscoff spread. EVER.

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  47. I think I'm unAmerican. I hate bacon and nutella. But I love the swamp and think I belong in Louisiana.

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  48. I will love you forever if you invent bacon free bacon that tastes like I remember bacon tasting...i miss it so much

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  49. Nutella is man's best creation! Can we dip bacon in nutella? Is that allowed? Also, congratulations on losing some weight; I'm happy working out is working out for you :)

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  50. 25 cans of spinach????? Boy, you must be as strong as crap (although, being as strong as crap isn't really very strong, I didn't want to say "strong as ...word which starts with 'f.'"
    But, now you have bulgy forearms, smoke a pipe, and have a girlfriend with no boobs.

    ReplyDelete
  51. It's not fair that I have to follow Al! Congrats on losing ten pounds! I'm also addicted to chocolate. I can't wait to hear more about your inventions! Julie

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  52. Loved the 5 day forecast!! LOL!! Welcome back!!!

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  53. Loved the 5 day forecast!! LOL!! Welcome back!

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  54. Nutella is a gift form the gods.

    And now that the storm has passed, perhaps a neighborhood BBQ? One with plenty of spinach?

    Pearl

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  55. I put nutella on my nutella..ah wait a minute..that statement just doesn't sound right.

    Welcome back

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  56. Omg, forgot about Nutella. Love Nutella. Now I am going to be craving it all day. I now know who to blame when I can no longer haul my fat arse around!!

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  57. You know what's even BETTER than Nutella?

    That's right. I said BETTER than Nutella.

    It's called...Biscoff. If you find it in the peanut butter aisle, TRY IT.

    -Barb the French Bean

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  58. welcome back, welcome back! :)

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  59. I am almost a little jealous of your passionate rain! I miss it! Here in the UK our forecast is always: FINE. The weather will be FINE and nothing interesting will happen, ever.

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  60. Tracie, I sure hope you don't give out demerits for those of us that show up late. I have gotten very behind in my reading...and I have no real excuses except that I have taught myself to play several new songs on the keyboard of my Iphone. (I will be doing a post on that soon) ANYWAY...

    As far as posting infrequently, in your case...quality makes up for quantity. I would rather read one of your post over 10 of "some of the others". I am such a discreet and diplomatic person that I won't name names...but I could. (visulize my doing the locking motion over my mouth)

    ReplyDelete
  61. I'm on a protein diet and have lost 22 lbs in four weeks. I go through four pounds of bacon a week and 48 eggs. I eat tons of fish, chicken, and mostly hamburger and some cheese. I hear that diet's not that great for you but I take plenty of calcium.

    I have never eaten any Nutella simply because the name sounds funky.

    About half of Colorado is on fire. We could use a hurricane about now.

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  62. Glad to see you back :) I have been hitting the gym pretty hard lately, and sadly, I have seen no results. None, nada. I am getting horribly frustrated. Hoping my hard work pays off soon.

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  63. I've never had nutella as far as I know (unless my wife slipped it to me when I wasn't paying attention and I ate it unknowingly). But bacon...that's the stuff. Welcome back!

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  64. So, I'm fairly new to your blog, and all I have to say is: you're hilarious and delightfully creative, and if you made t-shirts, I'd buy some. The end.

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  65. Blimey 10 awards a month!! I don't get that many in a year. Goes away to sulk.... ;)

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  66. Be careful of your list. I have a man and he has replaced the lightbulbs in my vanity so I had my first and last hot flash, power washed the electrical system in my van (He was aiming at the carpet,) taught the dog to bite me on command and mows half the lawn for the mutt but leaves the back portion long so the wild bunnies are happy. Oh wait, did you mean a normal guy?

    ReplyDelete
  67. In my experience Nutella is an obsession. For a long time my stepdaughter required it in every sandwich she ate. However she kicked the habit and moved on to processed ham, it's not great but easier than cooking bacon every day. Welcome back!

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  68. Start karate! follow that instinct! 1) They will love you there, and who can't use more love? 2) I started at age 40 and am still going strong at age 49, so 41 is truly a PRIME time to start 3) It could be that your pressure-washing impassioned man is hanging out at a dojo just waiting for YOU!

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  69. P.S. Thanks for the tip about bacon! Not the recipe, so much, but the Google-tip.

    High five!

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  70. I thought I already commented here? Seriously, I'm starting to confuse myself. I took martial arts (kung fu - I think it's better than karate, because then you can sing "Everybody was kung fun fiiiiighting" in your head while you're training) in my twenties, and I'd LOVE to get into it again!

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  71. oh yeah I love bacon too - but just so that I feel good about eating it I cut the fat off!! true, could you believe that someone would do that... I can hardly believe it myself.

    always good to read your posts Tracie - I'm always last to drop by 'cos I like to sleep in ;D) Cheerio!

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  72. Lindsey Lohan on a Thursday through Saturday night lol. Im sure the offlicences near her would go out of business when she sobers up. Kind of like the Wall street crash except suicidal pub landlords would be hurling themself out of windows lol.

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