How to Be Professionally Rejected

Most of you may have read my post about how I was born allergic to myself.  If you didn't, you may want to read this first.   My blood supply came from this guy:

This was in the early '70's .  Blood didn't go through a hundred types of testing back then, nor did they care who it came from.  All they knew is that it came.


Because of my exposure to every disease known to mankind, I cannot donate blood.

I am a walking, talking epitome of rejection. Rejection's poster child.  

I actually have tried to donate, but received my rejection letter in the mail that my services would no longer be needed under any circumstances.

I was really bummed because I was counting on having a lifetime supply of free t-shirts as my wardrobe.  Also, it hurts just a bit to know that the United Blood Services hasn't completely dismissed me as a threat.  


The year 1971 was an eventful year for me.  I expected birth and I got it.  After a lifetime of feeling inadequate in my shared cave of hope (someone was in there with me cramping my space, but that is another story) I expected party balloons or some type of reception like a fancy dress gala upon my grand entrance into the world.    Instead, I received the Constitutional right to bear weapons of mass destruction.

I had these mad "being born" skills that seemed to be such a waste.  I only got to use them once.  I may have done a bit better being born in the monkey world.   I was on a gazillion year waiting list for being birthed and thought I would be totally professional about it. 

Over the years, I have perfected the art of rejection.  It doesn't take much.  My secret is simple.

Being different severely reduced my pay-all award of having an easy life.  I was never in the "easy life" line, though I know a few people who swear by it.


Besides a few bathroom bloopers and my fevered dreams of being the world's greatest superhero not coming to pass, overall I am very satisfied.  People tell me that I can be a "kick in the teeth" sometimes.  I'm thinking that is a good thing.


Most of you know  me well enough by now to know that I am a full die-hard fan of doing good in the world.  I'm not really notorious...or are I?


My gut tells me to keep going.  

It is OK to be different.  My problem is I want to improve on everything I look at, whether it is a pair of shoes, a cheesecake or a person.

I always see things better.  Some people see things in a negative light.  I don't.  Some people don't understand that.  I don't understand why people are negative.  It blows my mind.  But, once again, that would make them "different" so I try not to judge.  


I'm not great with advice, but I have a million sarcastic comments to offer.   This is my own personal advice that I offer to myself and for the first time ever I am making available to the public.  

Being like everyone else is as cheap as a gang tattoo.  


Be amazing.


Oh, and while you are busy being amazing donate blood on my behalf.