I started early.
This is a common phenomenon among the evil. Tear down. Destroy. I began to feel trapped in this permanent state of uneasiness as I flailed helplessly in my own sea of self-doubt and sadness. I just wanted my bridges built. I wanted them to stand. Why were people so determined to knock down everything I built?
I would always rebuild.
The cycle would start over again.
Then, eventually, I would need some type of cake and a nap.
Some of you know that I was an above average student. I was reading at a college level by the age of eight. However, as skilled as I was at reading and building bridges, I could never figure out how to keep other people from knocking them down.
I panicked. I wanted to frantically take off at lightning speed for help, but that would have been so obvious.
I casually went into another room where the adults were, which happened to be in the kitchen. I slowly opened the freezer, peered in and started to speak in my Sesame Street voice.
That did not go as well as I had planned it would. The baby did end up going to the Emergency Room, but do you know that nobody thought to bring back ice-cream?
I have to admit that my heart is in the right place, but my mind is always somewhere special.
Over the years, my bridge building techniques extended far beyond blocks and trading cards. I wanted people to be my bridges. That became very important to me. Sometimes I look back and wish that I hadn't "burned a bridge or two" quite so quickly.
Even at 40 years old, there are still people who are out to destroy what I have worked so hard at achieving. Ironically, the people destroying my bridges are supposed to be building their own. I noticed that pattern a while back.
They don't want to connect. They want to disconnect and then take what they can from me. Then destroy.
After an entire lifetime of building bridges, I wanted to stop. I had lost faith.
Some have spread malicious lies about me. I have wanted desperately to defend myself and have often thought of what I can do. I can't just run up to every person with my wife-beater shirt on clinging to a can of hydrogen bomb and force them to listen to my side.
Then, a friend said something to me that set off that little lightbulb in my head.
If you really want to know who I am, then watch me.
I admit that I don't have a cookie cutter life. My life is a seamless continuum of abstract craziness and I often find myself turning back to extend my hand to those who have done me wrong. Every bridge deserves a second chance at being a bridge in my world of paradise.
Ok, it is that time again where I need some type of pastry and a nap.