Yes, I said recently, not over a time period. Like, last week. I basically took my hotness, laughed at it and shoved it forcefully down the stairs.
Inside of me is that thin person struggling to get out...fighting, clawing and biting. Fortunately, she can be easily sedated with a spoonful of Nutella and Peanut Butter .
I have tried many forms of exercise. I have started sleeping with ankle weights on and hope to see the benefits of that soon. Just a few months ago, I was looking so hot that the butter in my pocket would melt right away. I started putting butter on everything, even skittles. I traded my hotness for that little luxury and now I feel like I have been bludgeoned repeatedly all over my entire body with a large bag of cellulite, butter and rocks.
I used to eat healthy cereal, you know the kind that tastes like the inside of your pockets. Then, a few months ago, I started mixing it in with the fun cereals...the ones with the free toys. Gradually, it became more "Choco Choco" and less "pockets." Realistically, the only thing that is free is the 10 pounds you gain from eating it.
I tried "Tofu."
I now understand "Pajama Pants Day" at Wal-Mart. Pajama pants are so much more comfortable than my size 3 jeans that dangle on the hangers in my closet, laughing and taunting me with their tightness.
Most of you know by now that I am famous for making lists. This is my latest one:
Well, I guess I need to go to Wal-Mart. Thankfully, my wardrobe is up to date.
The one benefit to getting chubby? You just become like, f-it, it's time for FOOTIES.
ReplyDeleteYou gotta join my challenge, come on you can do it! We can do it together. YES WE CAN! Oh wait, that's a different thing.
But seriously, I know how you feel. I totally have my hot self struggling to break through all the damage done by melted cheddar cheese, chilibeans, and kegs upon kegs of beer. Mmmm. Beer and cheese. MMMMMMM...
If they changed Nutella to Chubtella or FatSauce you know what would happen? Nothing. Zero decrease in consumption whatsoever.
Guess what else? For you - try Tofutti Cuties. They are delicious low-cal soy ice-cream treats. For me - I have to find this gluten-free beer and see if it doesn't taste like horse pee pee.
Dude, footies do not have a weight restriction. I'd wear them even if I was a size 0. Especially if they have that no-skid stuff on the bottom so you don't take a digger while walking on tile. Especially then.
DeleteI'm working on getting rid of my jello jiggle too - tacos and sweet tea were not kind to my behind. Actually, updating through my blog has been helpful - keeps me accountable to a whole bunch of random people I'll never meet.
And there's a lot of free online food-journal type sites too (I recommend MyFitnessPal) that help you set goals and keep track of progress.
Those no-skid things are rad. Not sure why they don't make those on more shoes and socks actually.
DeleteTacos are an abusive relationship. I love them, I want them, they feel so right. And yet they hurt so bad. Fat ass? Why yes, thank you tacos.
You should join my Thursday Get Fit! Challenge too KP :)
There are apparently cities in the UK which have made council rules about pj wearing in stores. I think it was instituted by the staff in the stores who were envious that everyone else looked so comfortable. Or else by a minus zero sized person who wanted everyone else to be uncomfortable (I first typed uncomfatable).
ReplyDeleteI gained some pounds too but it is because of the hormones injected on me to incise the uterine myoma.
ReplyDeleteThe unwanted 30 pounds will dissipate in no time if diet and exercise in incorporated in your lifestyle. Looking forward for your post when you have lost those pounds :)
Love the footie jammies. So hawt!
ReplyDeleteNow go throw that Nutella out!
I love my PJ's but never wear them out of the house.
ReplyDeleteI think I need to steal your list too
What is this pajama pants day? :o You should move to Glasgow: some women buy PJs specifically for outdoor use (I'm not even joking).
ReplyDeleteTofu... it always reminds me of dental x-ray paste. I don't know why.
Good Heavens, do people really go to the supermarket in pyjamas! Thought I was terrible spending too long in night wear when typing my stories! :0)
ReplyDeleteTracie,
ReplyDeleteYOU ROCK!
xxo
MOV
Seriously, best post ever. Laughed until I choked and had to call 911. You are paying my ER bill now.
I don't think I would ever have the courage to go to Wal-Mart in PJs... but oh, how comfortable it looks! And I just Loved this sentence:
ReplyDelete"Fortunately, she can be easily sedated with a spoonful of Nutella and Peanut Butter"
Oh it ain't courage. It's total giving up on life.
Deletelol, in that case, hope I never get there.
DeleteWait people actually shop at Wal-Mart in their pajamas? A person over here was recently banned from a supermarket for doing that. Jeez. Good luck losing the weight though. It can get pretty tough, but you can do it.
ReplyDeleteHaving a fat month huh?
ReplyDeleteThe only thing that really worries me in this post is that you keep your jeans hung in your wardrobe. C'mon woman! Jeans are meant to be folded half-assly and crammed into a drawer!
Here's what helped me lose weight: I became allergic to everything. Really. I went through a dark period, got sick from it, woke up with a rash, doctor eliminated everything from my diet, except air and crackers. Eventually, crackers were off my 'safe' list. Rather quickly, I dropped to 99 pounds. After six months, I was able to tolerate dyes and preservatives, but gluten and palm oil remain on the list. Do you know what has palm oil and gluten? Everything. Even these words! Screw stress.
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't matter if you're enormous, you can find legitimate pants. Please don't go out wearing anything with an elastic waist band. People wearing pajama pants in public is possibly one of the most depressing things in the world to me. Wait, Choco-Choco Puffs comes with free diabetes!?! Whoo-hoo!
ReplyDeleteToo funny!
ReplyDeleteI mean, other than Nutella Bone Syndrome, which is a serious condition. The only known cure, is, of course, frozen cake of any kind.
Elpoo
PS. What is a Zumba?
Hahahah I feel you. Just yesterday I wrote about my food hangover. NOT GOOD!
ReplyDeleteFooties? Footies? This is why I can’t go to Wal-Mart. It makes me fear for the human race.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, did you catch the story about the woman who successfully sued Nutella because she said they led her to believe that the sweet, gooey, hazelnuttiness was healthy? http://finance.yahoo.com/blogs/the-exchange/today-food-finance-nutella-not-broccoli-162956191.html
*throws up hands*
Ankle weights? Never heard of such a thing. Anyway, I love pajama pants; though, I don't think I've ever left my property wearing them. And, when is this magical Pajama Day at Wal-Mart? I must go there!
ReplyDeletei just Zumba-ed ! for some reason, i'm feeling so fat these days and my new interest in Roca ALmond Buttercrunch isnt helping. but the treat goes viral on your tastebuds its that good ! arghhhhh.
ReplyDeletesometimes i do wear my polka-dotted pyjama bottoms out :)
why dont you try having homemade smoothies whenever youre hungry. trade dairy for soy milk, and limit to fruits which are less in carb in the evenings ? (for your smoothies i mean).
Haha! Hilarious! Thanks for the laugh. I needed it this morning. :)
ReplyDeleteI went through this myself recently. I just bought bigger pants. Except that now I am loosing weight. So, do you think baggy might come back into style soon?
ReplyDeleteI don't shop at Wal*Mart, but I wore pajama pants to the post office yesterday. Technically, they're sweatpants (and rather nice ones, at that), but I've co-opted them as pajamas. Does that still count?
ReplyDeleteHere's adding insult to injury. I got old, shrank two inches and now I'm ten pounds overweight. Diet and exercise keep me exactly ten pounds overweight.
ReplyDeleteOMG THE FOOTIE ONSIES!!! WHYYYYYYYYY DEAR GOD NOOOOOOOO!!!!
ReplyDeleteLoved the posting and oh yeah the biggest Pajama Party in the US. I often go to Walmart looking for new fashion tips and hints and recently found ppl are wearing spanx as outer wear to shop.
ReplyDeleteThey offer free diabetes with boxes of cereal now? Is that like a bonus to make up for the cheap toys they give you?
ReplyDeleteYou just pointed out why I avoid Walmart at all costs! It takes a brave person to go in there and witness the horror!
I've tried ankle weights in bed and now I just can't seem to get off of it. Perhaps the ball and chain was a bit much but... Although, with ball and chain accessory, I am unable to reach fridge. So, win!
ReplyDeleteI've had that cereal before! The one that tastes like the inside of your pockets. I used to eat it as a kid, my mom would put a whole spoonful of sugar on it for us....what was she thinking?
ReplyDeleteGet out there and Zumba your ass off! :)
I had to finally give in and realize I'm going to be chubby forever even though I eat well and exercise more than anyone I know. I will never, ever, be a Walmart pajama person though. Mostly 'cause I wouldn't step foot in Walmart. I do sometimes spend all day Sunday in my jammies. :)
ReplyDeleteThe only place I ever wear pjs to is WalMart. The reason I love WalMart is that there is no judgement. It's a judgement free zone.
ReplyDeleteWhat about those of us who don't sleep in pajamas or anything else? When do we get to join the fun?
ReplyDeleteLOL your blog is just too funny! I love it!
ReplyDeleteOH HOLY GOSH Ms. T. ~ (mirthful tears currently spilling outta my eyeballs) ~
ReplyDelete1. I know I lead a very sheltered life, I've missed seeing those pajamas clad people at Wal-Mart. The closest I've come is seeing some very young ppl (mostly gals) waiting at the city bus stop in the baggy pajama bottoms.
2. (Now shifty-eyed = shifty brain = shifty comment) ~ I am exactly 30 pounds over my 'ideal top weight for height and bone structure' ~ shifty minimized my own overweight here and I can certainly identify with you. EXCEPT ~ gasp! I gave up on my own 'hotness' ~ almost. I now have some brain hotness which is to say I can still give a man a smoldering eye stare that will melt him into the ground and have no intention of following through from that point. I like/love the power of this brain hotness.
3. You HELPED me have PLUS COMPASSION for my very own daughter who is going through all this herself. I may have to coax her into coming here and reading this. I'm your friend @grammakaye on twitter and I love your blog!
LOL if one goes as low as shopping in your pjs, that is truly a breaking point of some kind. Sometimes it is nice to just heave it all, but then the fat comes and that is not so nice.
ReplyDeleteSo it IS the Nutella. I thought so. Gained 40 pounds yesterday. I thought that sh*t had PROTEIN in it. Isn't that kind like being on Atkins???
ReplyDeleteOh my. This is the funniest thing I've seen all day. Thank you so much for posting it.
ReplyDeletePeople actually wear that out in public?!? Yes, I still consider Walmart a public place that I should look halfway decent at. Wow.
ReplyDeleteI am also a list-maker. I had to giggle, because most of my lists start with "make list" also. :) Sometimes, when I'm really desperate to feel like I accomplished something I add things like "shower," "walk dog," "eat pocket-flavored cereal." Gotta do what you gotta do!
Size 3, yipes! My toe is a size 2! Thanks for your comment. Yep, I've decided to plough ahead. Going to the animal shelter to get a 'gator to answer the phone.
ReplyDeleteWalmart should do a promotion: Free footie jammies when you buy a box of Cocoa Puffs and a jar of Nutella.
ReplyDeleteI saw Nutella Nutty Buddies today. And Nutella cake. I'm totally convinced that satan mixes Nutella up in his workroom and ships it directly to my cupboard. He has his demon buddies sewing all my clothes smaller every night too. He has it in for me. His other tool is Pinterest. That and Nutella are making my rear end the size of a small country.
ReplyDeleteI love Pajama Pants Day! I knew it was a daily thing and as long as the Wal-Mart security doesn't kick me out when I go taking pictures of other customers with my phone then I am good! Wish I could bring the big camera that would be so much better.
ReplyDeleteAs a mother of two toddlers, every day becomes pajama pants day. The unusual days are the ones I bother to get dressed for :) Of course, you can always mix it up with my favorite, yoga pants day. Then it just looks like I may have been to the gym, as opposed to just never getting dressed that day. It wasn't that long ago that you encouraged me on my blog when I was down about my weight. I may not know you, but I feel your pain. The weight is so easy to put on, and so difficult to get back off. I struggle with it every day, but I have joined a gym, and I am trying to count my calories and such. I am stuck at 7 pounds down, so I really need to crack down. Just remember, being a size three isn't everything. It's nice...but so are pajama pants :)
ReplyDeleteToo cute! I've started wearing pajama pants to bed with a large t-shirt because it really is comfortable. I'm not sure I'm ready to hang out in Walmart, though.
ReplyDelete:D
Love your cartoon art and story. Keep them coming!
:-) Great post! Thanks for smile!
ReplyDelete"I have started sleeping with ankle weights on and hope to see the benefits of that soon."
ReplyDeleteHa Ha! That one had me spit out a little bit of water
(I was trying to drink it though...thanks a lot!)
Great Post!
I think there might be a political party starting with the pajama pants freedom platform. Free to wear pajama pants anytime, anywhere. At least it already has great supporters at the WalMart in my town~
ReplyDeleteIncredible post! I'm speechless at the pyjama ladies - wow... how brave :O
ReplyDeleteI love it!! Don't ask me how I did this but somehow I managed to lose your website. I thought I had it bookmarked or I had subscribed but evidently not b/c I lost it, couldn't remember the name of it either. How could I forget Crack you whip??! Thank goodness my brain finally kicked in and I found you again. And what a perfect post to land back on??!! I LOVE IT!! I think I will try the ankle weights at night. Seems like it might work!
ReplyDeleteOh wow... over here, because of the heat, it's "hot pants day even if you don't have the legs for it"
ReplyDelete"Goodbye hotness!" ✔
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate. So funny!
ReplyDeleteBras are optional with pajama pants, correct?
ReplyDeleteThey banded PJ's from our local supermarket - but there was such a drop in profits they had to change their policy
ReplyDeleteI think I'd have to leave Wal-Mart if I saw a grown fat woman walking around in footy pajamas. I mean, I really wouldn't be able to contain myself and I'm sure as a result, I would get carjacked in the parking lot.
ReplyDeleteI am with you girl friend. I just recently lost weight, not because I tried but because I got really sick. Now I'm back to normal and pounds are coming back ... Sigh. I am also a Nutella lover and just about anything chocolate ... Not a big help when you are looking to reduce your waistline. :)
ReplyDeleteOh I didn't know they made adult sized footie pj's. awesome.
ReplyDelete(Why is the whole internet crazy about nutella all of a sudden?)
ReplyDeleteI lost 2 stone last year and then suddenly stopped. Maybe I should keep going. You have made me miss small jeans!
Omg, this is SOOOOO funny, and I can relate to every single line (hang on, that's much less funny, some might say tragic, even).. Such a tease you are, we don't have Walmart over here - waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, now where am I gonna' find my own fetching, full (stretch-waistband)size romper-suit?
ReplyDeleteI love all your illustrations dotted in here, so much fun. You rock, girl!
I'm with you. I've only got 20 to lose but my inner fat girl has kidnapped my inner skinny girl. I have yet to get a ransom note so I don't even know where to look for her. I'm guessing she's not buried under the pint of ice cream. On second thought...
ReplyDeletegreat funny drawings - did you do them with ankle weights on?
ReplyDeleteYour thin person struggling to get out is more easily appeased than mine, Tracie. LOL A spoonful of Nutella and peanut butter doesn't sedate me--it makes me ravenous for more until *oh dear God* I've eaten the whole jar of Nutella (and probably the peanut butter too--along with a bag of Oreos)!
ReplyDeleteAs a lifelong professional dieter, I'm all too familiar with the idea of having "fat pants" of varying sizes for my ever changing weight. *sigh*
As for your size 3 jeans...yeah, I think I probably have something that size boxed up with my old toddler clothes. ;-)
--Susan
Ahhhh! Footie pajamas? ...I mean, I can't say that I haven't wanted to wear them, or that I mayor may not wear a bra every third time I go to Walmart, but c'mon people. I can already tell I love your blog. Thanks for stopping by and doing me the honor of joining my humble club...:)
ReplyDeleteOMG - this cracked me up.
ReplyDeleteCoincidentally, I just happened to be cruising the People of Walmart the other day because I was trying to find a disgusting photo for something, so I distinctly remember those footy pajamas photos.
LOL oh my goodness... I can totally relate to this. I love your cartoons. My husband gives me a hard time about the reindeer pajamas I wear year round, but thus far they haven't made a public appearance ;)
ReplyDeleteI was made for this! Since retiring I have many pajama days. Like today! I even went out and planted flowers in my pajamas! I used to ridicule Hugh Hefner hanging out in his pajamas all the time, but now I get it. Great cartoons--you are so funny!
ReplyDeleteThey just banned PJ's from the WalMart in the town I used to live because the women were getting a bit to crazy up there. Love your blog!
ReplyDeleteWow. Adults actually walk around stores in footy pajamas? I thought only kids did that! LOL!
ReplyDeleteThe cartoons are great! Love your blog!
ReplyDeleteYou are so funny... go ahead, wear your pajama pants, but hang on to the hotness, it's cool to be hawt ;-)
ReplyDeleteO.M.G. Absolutely hilarious. I, too, have shamelessly walked around Walmart...but you know what my ridiculous excuse is? I'm in college so therefore it's acceptable (which it's not) but oh well! I died laughing at your list! All of my lists look exactly the same!
ReplyDeleteI love to eat Raisin Bran. For years I avoided Grape Nuts. Until I learned that grapes don't have testicles.
ReplyDeleteOooh I refuse to even try Nutella. I know bad things would happen if I did. Like, immediately. Explosively. Messily.
ReplyDeleteAre you kidding me?! This is so funny!!! I was reading out loud to my husband we were both laughing! You have a new follower!!! BTW, I have a thing for sweatpants these days.
ReplyDeleteYou deserve an award for your art! So, here it is.
ReplyDeleteKreativ Blogger Award
Love your work!
Love the cartoons!!
ReplyDeleteFoootsies FTW!
ReplyDeleteNow let's get some tofu cooking..
Being that I am an employee of said establishment, I can fully agree with your pajama pants statement.It is indeed a daily holiday but I haven't seen anyone in footie pj's at my store...yet ;).
ReplyDeleteomg!!! did you take the pictures, though? if i saw that in my walmart i don't know what i'd do...lol
ReplyDeleteI'm in my pj's right now and I never wanna take them off....seriously funny post!
ReplyDeleteHilarious post, really made me smile. I will never wear pajama's outside my house :)
ReplyDeleteThis was hysterical...and now I am afraid to go shopping tomorrow at WalMart...draw that picture for me!
ReplyDeleteOmg. I feel this way too. I think i shoved my hotness down the stairs like three years ago though... and she doesn't look to be coming back even with all my good eating habits. I must have killed her!
ReplyDeleteLoved the blog. So funny!
Wait, seriously? There's such a thing as pajama day?! That is so cool! I want that here! (South Africa)
ReplyDeletePS - awesome post!
Aloha,
ReplyDeleteWhat an Hilarious post, with a capital H, er, as you can see:)
Thanks for the follow, am doing the same... to keep my laughometer primed and ready to go:)
really funny! :D
ReplyDeleteI've been in the same boat recently, even as a guy I feel your pain! Really funny drawings.
ReplyDeleteWow! Those pictures are amazing. We recently had a pajama pants day at our homeschool co-op, and while I may find pajama pants way more comfortable than skinny jeans . . .they weren't really comfortable to wear in public.
ReplyDeleteI love nutella, but I never eat it since it's so addicting :) The pics of the walmart people are too funny!!!
ReplyDeleteI love pajama pants. And yoga pants. And sweat pants. And nutella.
ReplyDeleteoh.my.gosh!! i think i've seen these ladies at my walmart ;)
ReplyDeletewhat a fun blog you have!!
This post was exactly what I needed right now I laughed so hard. You funny lady have a gift thanks for blogging it for us all to love. I want to bring lounge pants day to the office?? nope they won't go for it seems skinny girls think its ------!
ReplyDeleteI liked the last 4 pictures especially but you are happier maybe?
ReplyDeleteSo that explains it! Thanks
ReplyDeletefunny:) I would like to own a pair of PJ's with both banana's and footies! I love nutella.
ReplyDeleteCome on guys---would you really go out with someone who wore Pj's to the store? And I bet that CYW never did/does. CYW your blog is funny, and your picture is of one sexy gal.
ReplyDeleteLOL!!!! Oh my word! This is awesome. I especially love your cartoon drawings, but those ladies in the pictures are hilarious! WOW- gotta get me some of those footies! Oh-yeah! ;)
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for making me laugh today! I needed this.
ReplyDeleteI have been trying to lose some of my extra weight and this is EXACTLY how i feel!!
Too funny!! I love description of the cereal "the kind that tastes like the inside of your pockets" because that is mostly what I eat and I'm sick of it. Oh, well.... Nutella Forever! Thanks for your visit to my blog. I look forward to following yours.
ReplyDeleteMmmmm, nothing like butter on my Skittles.
ReplyDeleteTracie, you is hawt. Even in the pajama pants.
Hey! I have the same problem as you. I was once upon a time thin and then I woke up with 40 extra pounds on me. I don't know where they came from and why they won't leave. Now, if you'll excuse me. I have a Peanut Butter Twix bar that is needing my attention.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, you'll look sexy in your new comfy wally world wardrobe makeover! Definately need the footed ones for maximum sexiness.
ReplyDeleteOMG that lady in pink starry catsuit is the queen of the world! Such amazing style!
ReplyDeleteAnd, yep, butter, can do that to you....
Great post. I linked to it in my Friday wrap-up. :) http://faithinambiguity.blogspot.com/2012/05/friday-retroflective-defeat-and.html
ReplyDeleteI prefer to go to Walmart while wearing my snuggie.
ReplyDelete