Thursday, May 3, 2012

The Talent Show

If eating fudge were a talent, I would have 5 trillion trophies for it.
I found out that technically it isn't a talent, but I still choose to disagree. 

I have so little talent that if I could take all of it and place it uncarefully into my right eye, I would still not suffer from any vision impairment.


My athletic talents were never recognized, either.  I played softball for a few years.  We were so bad that the coach would always leave before the game was over so that he could beat the traffic.   The other teams would have talent and size going for them and the only thing we had going for us was headbands.  Still, he could have encouraged us more.
I will never forget the day he won the lottery.
Then one day at school, I saw this poster (or a poster like it):
I desperately wanted to enter the contest.  Somehow, I felt,  this could be my ticket.  My gut, however, had mixed emotions.

Existing is basically all I do. I tried to convince myself at the time that existing was a talent, but in the end I lost that argument.  I just wanted to endlessly run through a talent sprinkler so that I could be dripping in it.  More than anything, I wanted my body to be assaulted, invaded and possibly destroyed with fresh talent. I sadly realized that I had not conformed to my expectations.


There are actually a few things I am good at, maybe even great.  Don't get me wrong...great can be Ok, but I wanted to be AMAZING because amazing is great.


I have this amazing ability to "sniff out a deal" when shopping.
Having a childhood crush on Ricky Shroeder: not a talent.


Having an adult crush on Ricky Shroeder: not a talent, but I still do. That is a secret the entire world probably didn't need to know. Yes, I know he is married.  Leave me alone. Some things are hard to let go.


People told me I wrote well and had good messages and that was pretty much all I had.


Ok. I am a messenger.  Like a homing pigeon only better and homelier.  
In the end, I decided that talent shows weren't for me. But I'm a pigeon and I won't EVER stop flying, I can promise you that.  


I may even be amazing at it or better yet, great.



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91 comments:

  1. You're so gonna fly. Any day now. LOL!!

    Omg adult Ricky Schroeder crush.

    Yikes :)

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    Replies
    1. Pish Posh, hey, back off, I still have my R.S. crush too........

      As for talent, Tracie, it is ooozing out the pores of your skin. It is called: YOU ARE A GREAT WRITER.

      Know it! (but on second thought, maybe that would not be the most exciting thing to watch in a live contest on stage: "Watch me sharpen my pencil, and I will jot down some notes! I might make an outline!!!! Stand back, someone is gonna get hurt!")

      xxo
      MOV

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  2. I'm with you on this no talent thing! Want to be something special so bad ;-)... can we team up and be a no talent - talent team?

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  3. Just don't fly into the engine of a passenger plane.

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  4. Really? you haven't explored the possibilities. You MUST find your talent.

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  5. HA HA HA! Thanks for sharing this. Too funny.

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  6. The good things about pigeons? You can poop on people...

    My version of "talent" was lip-syncing to "You Can Call Me Al" for a junior high talent contest. Out of 8 entries, I got 7th.

    Apparently moving your lips and pretending you're Paul Simon isn't a real talent. Thanks for sharing!

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  7. Flying is no harder than writing. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss. I haven't succeeded at either. If they put Yoga in the Olympics, then they pretty much have to put chocolate consumption in. I'll bet we could both make America proud.

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  8. My parents (poor misguided fools) brought us up to believe that everyone has a special talent. All I can say is that it is getting a bit effing late now. I DO NOT WANT to be an octogeranium when my talent is revealed. With my luck it would be for something athletic.
    I have decided that reading and appreciating are talents. And I have lots of them.
    Excellent post, thank you. (see I told you I had talent).

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  9. I played softball too in college and we were champion for 4 years, the whole time were there :) It's kinda funny about your coach haha.

    I believe that everyone was created with a talent, like we are all a genius in different ways. One of yours is writing, you do it well, you take effect on your readers and you seem to love it. I love writing and no matter what people say, I would pronounce it as my talent :) I may not be as good as many but that's my talent on that level hehe

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  10. I have a talent for eating copious amounts of chocolate, without throwing up. It really is a gift...no, really.

    Other than that, I'm like a lazy-eyed sloth with lazyitis... and a lazy eye.

    Absolutely hilarious as always.

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  11. Well if you could fly that would be quite a talent. You don't need any talent, or to be good at it, to enter a talent show. Look at all the "talent" shows on TV. Still I wouldn't want to enter one either.

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  12. A fudge eating pigeon. Hm. Sounds dangerous!

    I AM a bit confused about whether I should say this post was "great" or "amazing". ;)

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  13. Welcome to the no talent club! The good thing about this is that we can proclaim anything we want to be a talent. I can take 3 bong hits without coughing! I can also take any chunk of meat, throw it on a grill and make it taste good!

    I'm new to this blog and so far, you have managed to make me laugh with every post I have read... therefore you are talented!

    And don't feel bad about the Ricky Shroeder crush... I had a crush on Punky Brewster!

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  14. Eating heaping helpings of fudge is certainly a talent. You probably do it with flair too, like behind the back eating or flipping it in the air, doing a somersault and catching it in your mouth.
    I can juggle, but who gives a crap about juggling when we carry the internet in our hands.

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  15. Hahah I was like "...is she really going to eat fudge for the talent show?!?" Extreme food eating = talent, no? I mean, they have contests and everything.

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  16. You ARE amazing! I never leave your page without a great big grin. Making me smile within the first 59 minutes of waking takes talent and plenty of it.

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  17. You have a real talent for making me laugh...it just doesn't offer any monetary benefit, nor are there awards given.

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  18. Fly Poppet Fly!! Reach for the stars

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  19. No talent? I bet you can jump up and down and say "I want a cookie" perfectly. That is real talent, especially if someone gives you a cookie for each hand. Besides, you have a great blog and are hilarious. ":)

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  20. Writing is an amazing talent. I'm not sure you an work with it for a talent show, but hey, you still have the talent!

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  21. I love this. I'm also guilty of no talents, unless you count shower singing. I'm pretty awesome at that! Ricky was pretty darn hawt though... :) Happy Friday!

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  22. Man if you figure out how to fly please get me in on that :) I think you have talents that you haven't yet discovered :)

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  23. Maybe you're an excellent lip synch-er. I have no idea how to spell lip sync. Well. . . some idea. But here's the thing. Lip sync-er. . . the e makes the c sound like an s. . . so I feel like I have to add the h so that it maintains its sound.

    Anyway. . . have you tried mouthing the words to music?

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  24. Loved the posting and shoot just surviving a trip to the grocery store to me is a talent. :)

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  25. Exactly how do you think you don't have talent? Your drawings are better than I could do! Plus you write better too!

    My EX-MIL told me she had not talents, but she could make coffee and chat with the best of them! That counts as a talent, maybe not marketable in hollywood, but critical in your life!

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  26. Being cheap is not a talent??? Why would you ruin my day like this? Whyyyyyy? It's all I had.

    Ricky Schroeder looking weathered at 30 was a thing of beauty. He had that manly, ranch-loving look. I'm starting to get sweaty.

    Another great post - I become so happy every time I see something new from you in the old blogroll! Don't ever stop.

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  27. It's a shame you didn't pen something and do a reading of it. You're definitely flight material.

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  28. You have blogging and drawing funny pictures talent! Too bad there were no blogs back when we were in school.

    I still think it's a talent that I can work fart and poop stories in to any situation. My friends seem to disagree, but I'm pretty sure they don't know what they're talking about.

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  29. Sometimes I am astounded by how talented I am at not being talented.

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  30. Alrighty then Ms. T. (Please don't hit me or worse, oooooooo "block me" ~ you may think yourself talentless, but I don't. Any person (YOU) that can always make me laugh like you do is pure golden talented Midas touch TREASURE.
    * * *
    So go on along thinking yourself talentless if y'all want to, if ya have to. I think you got talent and sigh you are beautiful too. xoxo luv g-ma, your friend @grammakaye on twitter.

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  31. Well if yoga is being petitioned for an olympic sport then I'm sure whatever you want to be a talent could be a talent..haha Just don't fly near a rhyming cat, he may want to have a snack.

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  32. Awesomely funny as always- a true talent!!! OMG, the part about your softball coach winning the lottery had me cracking up. I can actually picture that entire scene.

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  33. I love your posts so much. These start, I read through them and there is ALWAYS a message when I'm finished. You do have a talent - writing and reaching out to people. Be a pigeon. Just don't shit on anyone's head.

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  34. Eating fudge *is* a talent. My husband absolutely cannot do it. When fudge touches his tongue, it actually makes him vomit. I didn't believe it at first, but I can now assure you it is 100% true.

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  35. Some talents are so hidden, you have to change species to find them! You always show a talent in making me giggle, guffaw, and chortle.

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  36. Well comedy is a talent, and you're very good at it. Had me cracking up the entire post. Great job... or should I say amazing job!

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  37. Delightful, though I think I could offer you some serious challenge in a fudge eating competition! Entertaining people and making them laugh... that's a gift and a great talent, one you can rightfully claim and be proud of. This was a fun read many of us could identify with!

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  38. i think you're pretty damn talented. I like your drawrrrrings.

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  39. Well I beg to differ. You have a great sense of humor and comic timing. Hey, and you could probably eat fudge while doing something else--like flapping around like a pigeon. Some of the dances people do these days look just like that. I bet you could even get on the show "So You Think We Think You Can Dance." And then if you make a mistake, you can yell, "Not my fault! I ran out of fudge!"

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  40. Isn't blogging a talent? Making my life enjoyable is a talent also. So there are 2 for you.

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  41. If I ran through a publishing sprinkler and was dripping with money and publishing capabilities... I'd want you as my client.

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  42. I have the talent of infuriating anyone within a few minutes of meeting me. It works especially well on my family.

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  43. My mims calls talent shows 'no talent shows'. I love your drawings and you make me laugh. Making me laugh is not easy. You hit the right spot, and that takes skill...LOL. :) kisses and hugs and happy friday hoppings.

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  44. Hi huns, my talent is not for updating my profile, as I posted a comment (hmmmm again) w/out my infoz. Here, I updated.

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  45. When I was in high school, I got a "D" in P.E. - for bowling. And if that wasn't bad enough, I joined a bowling team (for fun) a few years after high school graduation. We were so bad out handicap ensured a victory for us without having to actually bowl. I think being being "that bad" is a talent!

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  46. Your talent: making us want to read more and more and more and more and more and more and more......

    Seriously. I want to read a bunch of books filled with your writing.

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  47. In high school I won the bird singing comp. That made me the best bird singing girl in my high school! Woot woot!

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  48. You are talented. Talented at making people laugh. And you're posts - also amazing.

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  49. But eating fudge is a talent! Not everyone can do it. (I certainly can't.)

    I think you are incredibly talented. You have a great way of telling stories and making people laugh!

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  50. You are incredibly talented, Tracie!

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  51. If having a nervous farting problem is a talent, maybe we can be friends.

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  52. I think making delicious fudge counts as a talent,or at least blue ribbon potential!

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  53. This is actually kind of inspiring. Imagine! Nice work.

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  54. Great post!!!! My talent is making funny faces - in fact I can contort my face to look exactly like a monkey (fascinating right?) LOL. My husbands talent is his farts - I think even Chuck Norris is afraid of his butt!

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  55. You are an inspiration to us all! If only eating -fullstop- was a talent, i'd be rich/famous/have lots of trophies as well!

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  56. I aim low. I would have been happy with just being really great the hula hoop. Ten years later, I am almost ready to give up.

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  57. Maybe you'll think twice next time you're being photographed with a cat...

    You can add "making Catherine Noble guffaw into her coffee" to your list of talents :)

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  58. I also love fudge!

    This blog is a representation of your talent - your creative approach to story telling replete with illustrations. Great job! :)

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  59. Another great post!! My talent is doing everything tomorrow. Yesterday a family was trapped in a burning building. I told them I'd be back to rescue them...tomorrow.

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  60. Someplace i read that secretly, you're a pretty awesome, closet Zumba dancer.....that takes some talent? :)

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  61. I too spent a lot of my youth, and teen life searching, wanting, desperately hoping a talent would sprout out of me. It wasn't until I was a more secure adult that I realized that just because I did not have a "labeled" talent,didn't mean I was talentless. But labeled during high school would have been nice, such as Softball Star (I quit after the coach cussed at me) , Best Girl Surfer (my dad is a surfer, tried to teach me, but I chose a soft foam boogie board instead. I never could get the standing up part), Artist ( Crafty? Yes, artistic? uhhh, how do you draw a bowl of fruit with charcoal dammit?)
    Now I realize I have talent in me, just comes out without a label.

    You are SUPER talented! That is exactly why I love your blog!
    :)

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  62. Cheapness ISN'T a talent?! Me sad now.

    LOL. Awesome post. I've added myself to your follower's list so I won't miss a single one :)

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  63. Hi, thanks for visiting..and no, the handles have gone too far to be mended...back in the reclaim bucket to be used again, learn the lesson!

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  64. Thanks for stopping by. Thanks for confirming my pigeon gene. Your boy's broken toe was highly reminiscent, too.

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  65. Thanks for visiting my blog! Oh, I had a crush on Ricky Schroeder as a kid, too. I lived for Silver Spoons. I'm not much of a fan anymore, though. I think he was much cuter as a boy.
    Christa

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  66. Sounds like you have quite the talent for comedy! Made me laugh a few times. Great stuff!

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  67. I'd say you're very talented!

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  68. What a great and inventive post! Thanks for following!

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  69. Ah yes, you do have talents ... for making others smile :D)
    I reckon fudge eating is a Great Talent, a Huge Talent and I'm sure that other fudge-eaters out there would agree! So, I back you up in your rejection of the technicality that it isn't.
    Thanks for the fun. Cheers! Susan :D)

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  70. I once ate 4 orders of sushi and still wanted dessert. If that's not a talent, I don't know what is.

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  71. I really enjoyed that...very funny, liked the drawings too.

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  72. I have a lot of talents. Like being able to put off until tomorrow what should be done today. That's a talent. And also, I can eat en entire batch of cookies in one sitting. TALENT!

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  73. This made me laugh so hard I'm crying. *wipes eyes* Maybe we should host a talent-less show; I'd do it just to have dog judges and see you throw a bone at them. Go pigeon, go!
    Catherine Denton

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  74. I think Luck is more important than Talent.
    I hope you have lots of Luck.

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  75. you are so talented :)
    i always go for eye check-ups and the doc tells me that i am always fine.
    im probably just itching to get hold of those dark-rimmed Prada frames!

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  76. No doubt about it, you're an amazing blogger with a lot of talent.

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  77. Cheapness is absolutely a talent!! I would bring you shopping any day.

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  78. This is a great post! thanks for sharing!


    http://fashion-gourmet.blogspot.com/

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  79. I LOVED that picture of the 'messenger pigeon'! Hysterical! I remember school talent shows with the heartbreak of a million suns. I have never had angry-bear-pigs in my stomach though. God, I hope i don't have that to look forward to still!

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  80. Talent is so over rated !!! Bringing your message to the people for debate or discussion is a value.

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  81. ROFL!!! You are hilarious. Sooo funny! I love fudge ;)

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  82. This is SOOOOO funny! LOVE me some fudge!!!

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  83. How'd I miss this post? LOL!

    (PS: I was the last girl picked in gym class, and one of my best friends was a team captain. I can still remember her saying, sorry Trace, we want to win.)

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