Saturday, August 4, 2012

Swipe My BMW Please

Working out takes hard work and dedication.  I usually go every morning, but no less than once a month.  Something happened this last week, though,  as I skipped dandily out of the gym ready for a good days work of doing nothing.
I became quickly befuddled when I saw what had become of my well-behaved car that had been sitting there minding its own business in a parking spot.
Someone had swiped my car and just left it! A friend who was following behind me noticed the suspicious car parked next to mine.
I immediately called the police and started to blog about it.  Fortunately, the officer only took a few minutes to get there as he was working out at another gym next door.
As he and I walked around the other car examining it, I noticed all of the different colors and dents on the exterior.  It looked as though a beautiful rainbow had brutally beaten the sweet, innocent car in a vengeance, possibly with a small unicorn.
The tires looked sad and badly in need of high dosages of Lortab.  Ironically, the car was not that old.  It was just too young to have a black belt in hitting every thing in the world.


The officer pulled up the license plate and went into the gym to find the dark-cloaked villain.  I was a little upset that someone had just left my poor car in a state of confusion and ugliness to go into the gym to work on abs.  All I knew was, he better be cute.  Forgiveness is a little easier when he is cute, single and wants my number.


I stood by my car watching the door.  Then, they came out.  Forgiveness was gonna be tougher than I originally thought it would be.   He was a she and not cute at all.  I realized right off of the bat that the woman was obviously pretty smart as she was not morally opposed to looking like Yoda.
It turns out that she was a retired college professor in her 80's.  I watched as she walked closer to my car shaking her head in denial.   In my mind's head I stood there thinking to myself but thinking it at her, "Don't say it, don't say it..."


Then she started to speak.
And boom goes the dynamite.


Suddenly, she could only speak dementia.  I stood there for a few moments basking in the rich tapestry of 1950's culture before walking over to her car and blowing off the newly made pixie dust all over the place.  I sneezed as paint chips raced to my brain to eat away at what little was left.


She admitted the yellow paint on her car (underneath my paint on her car) was from a post she hit at Home Depot the week before.  Also,she had the bumper replaced a month earlier because she had hit something else before that.

Venom slowly seeped from her throat as she denied hitting my car again, while she admitted to hitting everything else in the world including the Amazon and possibly Charlie Sheen.  How could anyone hit the Amazon? Charlie Sheen is understandable...


I just wanted her to admit to hitting my car.  Tell the truth.  I glared at her with my beady eyes as she stood there steadily denying what she had done.  Oh, I thought...
Then, what really hurt my feelings was that even though the po-po said that there was no doubt that she hit my car, (and she had selective memory) he couldn't cite her because it was private property so all he could do was give me her insurance information.
UPDATE: I am currently working with her insurance company and hoping that they pay to fix my damages with no problem.  Meanwhile, I have found out that there have been other hit and runs in the same parking lot by a white car.  Stay tuned for the next episode of...

Also, let me say that I know people well into their nineties who are driving with no problems, so I am not bashing older drivers, she just needs to give it up if she is not going to pay for the damages incurred as a result of her driving skills.  Speaking to people who know her well, she does not have any type of memory loss or dementia.  


I still forgive her one-hundred percent even though she is not cute at all!  My car may be damaged, but I'm not going to let it damage me.  I'm not here for any car...







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75 comments:

  1. Oh, gosh, that's a tough one. It's scary, because it could just easily be a child riding a bike she hits one of these times!

    Hopefully her family will step in an take her keys away. I feel bad for her, because that has to be hard to get to the point where you shouldn't be driving anymore, but poor, innocent cars like yours shouldn't have to suffer!

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    1. That is what I am afraid of. There was an empty space between her car and mine so plenty of room for her to pull into. Very scary situation.

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    2. That's EXACTLY what went through my mind. Sheesh.....

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  2. Well I'm not knocking older drivers, I know some older ones, and I know some very stupid younger ones, but if she does have memory troubles, and does keep hitting things, then I think something should be done.

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  3. "Either she needed a smaller car or parking spaces needed to be the size of earth." LOL

    My uncle's sister-in-law was notorious for doing the same thing. The ladies in the beauty shop were well aware of her. Seeing her walk in made them all immediately look outside to see where she parked and to inspect their own cars. She eventually ran through an intersection, breaking her ribs and totaling her car. She's now in a retirement home with no vehicle and no plans to buy another, thank goodness.

    Hope you are able to get your car repaired by HER insurance!

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  4. Aww man, I would be mortified if this happened to me! It's good you can add a humorous spin on it though :)

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  5. You are much nicer to Nanas than I. The light sabre remarked killed me by the way - still laughing.

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  6. She is obviously a very bad driver, but may be really doesn't have any memory problems. It could be that she doesn't care and is LYING.

    Sweet old ladies were typically sweet most of their lives. They didn't just become sweet when they got old.

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  7. Hindsight I know, but those paint flecks you blew away was evidence which can be analysed. Insurance companies do that in the UK. Old crow!
    Di
    X

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  8. Aw man, that blows! We had a dent in our car from a garage attendant and he denied it too but there was no way he didn't ht that post. I hate it when people do that. At least it made a funny post ;)

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  9. I can't believe she didn't even offer you any old hard candy! Now you are going to have to put some of those things around your car like what goes between boats and docks, just to keep it safe (or maybe SHE needs to hang those all around her car-----bumpers!)

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  10. She probably had good abs though. Maybe hitting the cars gives makes her want to work out. You should have told her the gym was next door at the donut shop. See what the po-po say when she hits their cars.

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  11. Do you think we could get some clarification on this "bad fight" of which you speak? I don't wanna mess this up.

    What I DID wanna mess up is Nonna's lying little Yoda face. But just with a cream pie or something. Not with violence. Even I have my limits when it comes to Grannies.

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    1. In general, a "good fight" for me is not fighting at all. I go with it to make it better, not worse. The bad fight is just the opposite.

      I saw a lady today swinging her 4 year old around like a rag doll over nothing. That would be a bad fight. My son appreciated me after he saw that!

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  12. That story just got me all heated up. Last year the same thing happened ONLY this stupid broad left her phone number on my windshield written in lipstick. I called her and she gave me her insurance info. I took my car in and that dent came in at $1000.00. Then the husband of the bad driver called and said that he was sure she didn't do it and he wasn't going to sign off on it. Allstate Insurance said they were now claiming she didn't do it. I went to the police and they said it was just my word that she initially admitted it and if I wanted resitution I would need to sue her. There was no proof (other than that ugly dent in my car) that it was HER that hit me. UGGGHHH!

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  13. She probably just thought she had run into a car-shaped pole.

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  14. The situation was frustrating for you...but the way you wrote it made me laugh...The lady needs to be stopped before she hurts someone...it may be good to send her family a note about what happened and have them take a good look at all the other paint colors and dents on her car. It may save her life or someone else's life.

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  15. I can't believe this happened to you. Ally's comment makes me laugh.

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  16. I'm really glad I don't have a BMW - they seem like trouble.

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  17. They surely need to take that crackpot's license away, glad she got caught too, sad it had to be you and make you go through all that crap.

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  18. Ugh, she needs to stop driving. What if she swipes a bicycle or a pedestrian??

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  19. Grrrr!!! I had someone hit my car in a parking lot and then just leave it. Every time I see that dent in my door, my heart breaks a little. Good luck with the insurance company.

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  20. Bahahaha. Po-po probably won't come for you. Awesome.

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  21. Replies
    1. Best question ever.

      Yes, he was.

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    2. So all was not lost....you at least met a cute Po-po!

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  22. My oldest son scraped the bumper of another car, then panicked and hid in a nearby McDonald's. The car owner stood behind his van and called the police. He was so frightened. He finally came out, though and admitted he had hit the car. Wait. That's not like your situation at all.
    P.S. Those tires have to go. Never drive on tires with sad faces and/or concussions.

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  23. You showed remarkable restraint. If it was me, the air would have been flooded with all manner of Anglo-Saxon Expressions of Goodwill!
    Then again, she is a grandma.
    Least she could have done was bake you some cookies, though.

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  24. My grandpa's deathly afraid of cars. Wonder why...

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  25. I think you are well down the path to being canonised for not using her face to fix your car - you know, knock out any little dimples (in the car) and buff the paint. Though perhaps the policeperson would have something to say about that.
    You told us the the car vandal wasn't cute. Was the policeman? There has to be something good about this sad tale (apart from making us laugh in rueful recognition).

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    1. He was very cute and took down my number...and license information.

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  26. You know, if I had hit your car and I wanted to lie about it, my defense would not be that I had hit everything else within ten miles but somehow had magically missed your car. That I was parked next to. That had your paint on my fender. Parking lot's must quake in fear when they see her coming.

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  27. " she could only speak dementia." love that line. Just trying to imagine her at the gym !?! or was she next door making the donuts?

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  28. One of my employees told me the story about how her daughter was in a grocery store parking lot and a man backed his car (really hard) into her car. He got out and then proceeded to tell her it wasn't damaged (as she looked at her previously not-ever-dented car)so she called the po-po and they told her the same thing, they can do nothing on private property unless there is a risk of violence. Her daughter told the po-po that she was getting ready to kick someone's ass and they had better hurry.
    They were there in 2 minutes.

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  29. I loved that whole story from beginning to end - the Gym (Dunkin' Donut), the Loratab, the black belt car, the po-po (oh yes, the po-po), Yoda, etc. except for the damage to your car that is. I say you handled it better than I would have!

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  30. Oh, I had something kind of similar happen to me a long time ago. I used to live in an apartment complex where there were no assigned spots. But, Janet insisted there were assigned spots and left nasty notes on my windshield saying I had parked in her spot. The manager assured me that Janet was coo-coo and that I could park anywhere I wanted. So, when my new boyfriend (future husband) walked me to my car one night, and Janet brusquely marched past us, he said, "was this here before?" I stared at a large dent in my car as Janet turned the corner. My boyfriend merely had to approach her later that night and whisper that he knew where she lived. She swore she saw beer and cigarettes in a grocery bag he was carrying, but her twisted imagination had just transformed bread and soda. Needless to say, in a few weeks my car was completely repaired from the damage caused by Janet's foot thanks to Janet's wallet.

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  31. It's always scary when somebody's car looks like they ran through an entire paint store from the colors they have from hitting everything around them.

    On the bright side, it makes for an interesting story!

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  32. OH MY GOD! You're poor car!!! Was the Po-Po cute at least? crazy grandma! Stay on those insurance people...there not in that business cause they like making people happy... :)

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  33. dang, just realized you answered that question about the po-po being cute...*sigh* I HATE it when i'm not original :)

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  34. Stuff like this makes me so mad. I don't care how old they are, what they look like, etc, hit and runs are never cool. I'm just glad that at least the car was still next to you. Imagine if they left. I've never been lucky enough to catch the a-holes that scrape up my car, and I end up having to fix it myself.

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  35. Great post -- great last words -- barbara

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  36. Well, at least you took it graciously and were able to turn something frustrating into something funny. I'm just glad you weren't in the car or in the process of getting out of the car when she decided to side-swipe you. That would have been scary. :(

    As always, I love the pictures you made for this post! :D

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  37. People are unbelievable... all of the evidence there and she kept denying it... just be honest.

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  38. I'm glad you could laugh about it - I love the Yoda comparison! But yes, I think she should be taken off the road before she does some more serious damage (ie to a person, not car). Would probably be a job convincing her of that though.

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  39. Oh, her poor car! I bet when she first drove it off the sales lot it was all happy; dreaming of slow drives through the country and long winters spent cozy in the garage. Little did the little white car know it was destined to become a Krazy Kar with no bumpers...life sometimes throws some sucky curve balls.

    Princess WeeWee

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  40. This is my last try...
    I had an old lady swipe my car in a salon parking lot once. I felt sorry for her when she came in all flustered because she'd dinged a car. I didn't when I found out it was mine. I don't feel sorry for your old lady bandit at all.

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  41. When I was a student, someone backed into my car and left a huge dent and didn't leave a note. I was furious. My car was a student car and looked like it should be put out of its misery.

    The next day in Chemistry a guy came up and told me he backed into my car and would pay to fix the damages. I was happy to let it slide. The wasn't any worse because of it, and the dent he made was peanuts to the rest. Admitting it and saying sorry was enough for me

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  42. I'm sorry. If only she'd admitted what had happened, grrr! But there's a lady down the street who's about the same age and in the same denial about doing stuff. I've heard she was that way when she was in her twenties. Yep, both should give it up!

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  43. My granny (mom's side) was telling me recently how she nailed a silver BMW then played the "alzheimer's onset" card right in front of the BMWs owner and a cute cop.

    This reminded my of that a little.

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  44. they need repaint cor that car's :)

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  45. Your poor car! Be there for it! you totally did the right thing.

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  46. Good grief, to admit to hitting so many poles and cars is kind of amazing. Why not just tell you the truth. She certainly has enough experience at crash and run ... sigh! I hope your car gets fixed soon and someone has the good sense to take her keys away before she really hurts someone.

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  47. Oh wow, so sorry that happened. Your such a good sport though. I think once you hit a certain age they should make you re-take your driving exam. :)

    Gwen @ www.alittleunhinged.com

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  48. At least you noticed the damage before she'd had a chance to go away and leave you holding the bill and scratching your head.

    If you get a chance, please stop by my page.

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  49. Your poor car, but still a funny story. See I knew going to gym was dangerous.

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  50. Oh my, I think she hit my car in a gym parking lot in the 90's, lol. It sounds like the same lady. When confronted she said " why are people always hitting MY car?" Some people! Gees!

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  51. My friend and I were just discussing the other day that once old people reach a certain age, they shouldn't be allowed to drive. Or get a lane dedicated just for them, aka the right.

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  52. Once I saw the little old lady, that would have been the end of any po-po action for me. I fully intend to become a little old man some day. In fact at 64, I'm already well on my way to a personable dottage. The great thing about little old ladies is that they forget how to drive way before they forget how to bake cookies.

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  53. LOVE your Dunkin Donuts cartoons! Now that I'm back in school- I do the drive through every morning for my extra, extra large coffee with 2 splinda and creme!! No donuts - but must have their coffee!

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  54. Oh, that sucks. Hopefully the insurance covers your repairs/repainting job.

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  55. :-( Wow. No security cameras? You'd think her insurance company would drop her??? Hope you get it resolved! :-)

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  56. I watched an older woman (o.k. an old lady who should not be driving) hit a silver BMW in front of my bank, then get out, look at the damage, look around and just head into bank. I immediately took down her license plate, and walked into the 3 different business that were around to find the owner of the BMW.
    Bank, nope
    ACE hardware, nope
    Foot massage place, nope
    Sushi restaurant, YES!

    Poor girl was just dealing with her insurance on a hit and run from last week. Now she gets dinged again by a White Haired granny, who wanted to 'pretend it didn't happen'
    Lucky for her I witnessed it,and took down the license plate, because when we came out of restaurant little old lady was driving away! And did she leave a note? NOPE!!

    Ugghhh, your blood must have been boiling. Good luck with her insurance company, and sorry for your car :( Parking lot dings are the worst!

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    1. YOU ROCK!!

      Her insurance company took measurements of the damage on my car and the damage on her car and they matched up so they are paying for my damages and caught her in a lie.

      Everything worked out good!

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  57. OMG! I don't know what to say. Unbelievable!

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  58. Women don't know how to drive, and they like to key cars. God figure.

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  59. I'm glad the po-po was on your side after she blatantly lied to your face. Just wondering, when you're hanging out with your close friends in their nineties, do you usually let them drive you around? Glad everything is going well with her insurance company. Julie

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  60. Even though I deplore it, I kinda wish I had the gall to feel no guilt or pain over the things I done wrong to others ... I can't imagine what that would feel like!! Maybe in another 40 or 50 years I'll find out!!!

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  61. Oh, that's a wow story...forgiveness..you are the best.

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  62. The problem is that a lot of older drivers really are menaces (as are younger drivers and morons, but with age comes slower reflexes and poorer vision). My father had Alzheimer's, and my mother continued to let him drive. He used to constantly complain about poles getting in his way. It was nuts.

    When she died, I replaced his car keys with a copy of the house keys. He spent many frustrated hours trying to start the car with his house keys, but nobody died.

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  63. How smart is that? Monica? But a great story, CYW.

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  64. Dang. An older lady who denies doing a crime? That's a hard fight to fight. o_O

    -Barb the French Bean

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  65. bahahahahahhah you are hilarious!!! And I think I might just love you!! Let's be BFF bloggers!! Seriously this post was awesome! I was trying to read it out loud while laughing to my husband, who was blowing steam from his ears since he kept complaining how "he was studding for laaaaaaaaaaaaaaw schooooooooooooooooooool".... anyways it was a great and much needed laugh since I feel like I am the only person alive in our apartment!

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