Sunday, March 25, 2012

Riddle Me This, Batman

At times I find myself going through a terrifying mental saga that makes it difficult for me to comprehend things that are going on around me even on the most basic level of understanding.

Having children tends to change everything.  However, I have never been one of those "soccer moms."  When my son was younger, my boss tried to get me to sign up for "Bring Your Child to Work Day."  I respectfully declined and tried to understand why they wanted to punish me.  Once again, refer back to the chart.
My son likes to dress in black and he wears that hoodie 365 days a year.  It smells like an old fajita wrapped around an old foot.  We live in Louisiana.  It is so hot here, I heard a fire hydrant whistling for a dog one day last week.  I'm not sure, but I also think that I saw the sun looking for some shade.  It's not even summer yet.

He attends two different Bible studies a week and makes excellent grades.  

Something recently happened, though,  that completely threw me for a loop.  
Also, last month, Lucy Lawless was arrested for protesting against oil drilling in the Arctic.  Her charge was upgraded to burglary even though nothing was stolen.
Lucy stands up for what she believes in.  She is a hero to me.
Yes, there is one thing...



But, whatever you do, don't throw flour on Kim Kardashian or try to save the Arctic.  You will be quickly arrested on the spot.



TO MY READERS: Years ago I got into an argument with a man who was beating his dog at a local gas station.  Within 24 hours he shot and killed his wife.  He shot her five times, until the gun had nothing left to give.  There is always a better solution and I regret stepping forward with angry words. I was trying to save the dog, but the bigger picture was something else. Looking back, I was a catapult in the situation.  The wheels were set into motion.  People need kindness, not anger.  I saved the dog, but a human being died. I have to live with myself and trust me that is not a good feeling.  Am I a bad person? No, I was trying to be a hero. I was just trying the wrong way.  


Just to let you know, I don't have a problem with the 911 call.  The second he placed his foot on the ground with a gun in his hand is the problem.  That set the wheels in motion.   If you want to be a hero, but you need a gun in your hand to be one, it's not a good idea.  If you have to scream at someone you don't know and chase them, it's also not a good idea.   


There is a saying that "kindness kills."  Trust me, it doesn't.  submit to reddit

80 comments:

  1. I hear you! I just finished my Trayvon Martin post, going up tomorrow. I hear you completely. It's so wrong.

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  2. oh, this is so sad. I read about this in the paper today. tragic, tragic, tragic. devastating for all involved.

    MOV

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  3. I can't believe that things like this happen. It makes me lose faith in humanity, until I read a post like this telling the world just what's wrong or meet somebody who actually does the right thing.

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  4. You've taken the half-formed thoughts in my head and expressed them in powerful words. Such a terrible, sad story. =[

    I don't think you're at all to blame for that man and his poor wife. Clearly he had big problems, which extended to the way he treated both his dog and his wife. Calling someone out on behaviour that is clearly wrong does not make someone in any way responsible for that person continuing their wrong behaviour in an even more terrible way. But the knowledge must still be difficult to deal with. *hugs*

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    1. I agree. That man killing his wife had nothing to do w/ you. He would have done it eventually.
      Just like if Zimmerman hadn't killed Treyron, it would have been someone else. Maybe even a white person or Latino & this debate would have never come up. And while I'd prefer Treyron to be alive, this debate is very important. Ever since Obama became President, the racism has come out & those doing it then say "This isn't racist"
      I live in a Condo & we once had what I called "Condo Nazis". They went after me, because I was disabled & didn't fit in this pretty building. They had old ladies patroling the parking lot to see who was parking in the wrong place. They even went into the neighborhood (one of the pooriest in our town) & told them they didn't think their yards & houses looked good enough & were bringing down the values of our condo. Well, neighbors dogs would bark at them as they walked thru the neighborhood & one's car got peppered w/ BBs. They moved out. Thank God! But when I see Zimmerman & his buddies defending him on CNN, I see condo nazis who had guns!

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  5. I don't know that much about Trayvon but I'm with you on not being able to comprehend it at all. As for the dog, you did something good, even if something bad may have ultimately happened, that doesn't mean that you caused the bad, focus on the fact that you did good.

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  6. Amen, Tracy. That guy thought he was Buford Pusser. And "being brought up inan interracial family" could easily be the trigger that made him racist.

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  7. What kind of person could watch a dog get beaten and not do something? There is NO way what you did led to him killing his wife. Anything could have set him off. Youve got to stop that. A man who will shoot his wife will shoot his wife, period. You cannot think that your actions can control another persons psychology like that. No bloody way! He was already gone. Read what you wrote. He was beating his dog in public. He was already gone. You cannot take responsibility for someone elses domestic violence. That is bad for your heart and for others. Imagine women who say "if only I hadn't criticized him he might not have beat the kids". That is NOT your fault. Animal abusers ALWAYS abuse humans too. The fact that he was beating his dog was an indication that he beat his wife, not something you could have possibly changed by reacting differently.

    Anyway yes this is complete lunacy I do not understand why this guy who murdered a child isn't in prison.

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    1. I just feel think that I could have made things go in the other direction.

      As for as the Traylon case, he is claiming self-defense, but once you jump out of your car and chase somebody, it is the other person who is defending himself, whether he attacked first or not.

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    2. With all due respect ... and I do respect you and your gang here ... but do we have all of the facts yet? Are we positive that he was in a car and that he got out and pursued the boy and shot him? Because I read elsewhere that when he fired, he was on the ground being beaten up, and pretty mercilessly at that. I don't know which is the true story, but I haven't yet heard the results of a full investigation. Which is why I think that everyone seems to be rushing to judgment. And judging people -- or rather, pre-judging -- causes a lot of harm too.

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  8. How else were you supposed to react to the guy beating his dog? You did what you thought was right, stopping a violent act, and there's nothing wrong with that.
    Trayvon...that poor kid. A victim of racism and circumstance. If only he wasn't a good brother who wanted to get Skittles for his brother. It reminds me to tell everyone I love that I LOVE them. You're right, kindness doesn't kill.

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  9. If someone dies at the hands of another person then I think they are owed some kind of official investigation/court case. What astounds me is that it took almost a month for this story to hit the media...and only then did the police step in.

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  10. I am with you 100% in the "I can't comprehend why George Zimmerman hasn't been arrested" department. The man is a paranoid, racist, looney that committed murder that needs to be locked away.

    However, part of me is not surprised that he hasn't been arrested either because lately Florida seems to be the place to be if you want to commit murder and get away with it (I.E. Casey Anthony).

    As for the incident with the man and the dog, you did the right thing and I am beyond proud of you for what you did. You didn't cause what happened next, I bet the crazy was building up in that relationship for a long, long time before he pulled into that gas station. It was just odd timing that the two incidents happened right around the same time.

    Do I get an award now for longest comment ever?? ;D

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    1. Merideth, I give you the award! You deserve it!

      I agree, Florida seems the place to be for crimes...

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    2. I live in Florida. Should I leave here?

      -Barb

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    3. No Barb, Florida is a wonderful place and I have relatives that live there. It was the legal system I was calling into question. :)

      And yay!! I love awards! :D

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  11. Fight or flight. We all have both in us. Yet it's still so hard to choose which to go with in any given situation. I agree that if your "fight" mode can only come about with the aid of a weapon, then maybe you have chosen the wrong option. I am so sorry about that woman, but there is no doubt that you bear no responsibility for the choice of an evil man. Great post.

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  12. Well said. I agree to not be the hero, because you may end up doing more harm than good. Or, you could be the one killed.

    What is sad is the political aspect of this. Both sides of the fence are trying to turn this into political leverage, and are losing sight of the true story. A child is dead, and his killer is getting patted on the back.

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  13. Every time I look at that picture of Trayvon, I want to hold his face and kiss his forehead. He's just a boy. My heart hurts for his loved ones.

    It's unacceptable that Zimmerman has not been arrested. Unacceptable.

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  14. Very nicely written. Wow. Thanks.

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  15. When I was studying/reading psychology I came across an interesting collection of articles that examined the mindset of nearly all serial killers, to wit: a penchant for maiming, torturing and/or killing defenseless pets.

    Maybe a shrink could look into Zimmerman's past and see if 2+2=4?

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  16. "People aren't criminals because they wear hoodies. People are criminals because they chase people in hoodies and shoot them." -- I think that's the best two-sentence summary of this case that I've seen.

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  17. I was just going to let you know that you are in no way to blame for that woman's death. HE and HE alone are to blame. I had a bunch more to say, but @Pish Posh beat me to it. Yay for @Pish Posh

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  18. That was a powerful post. I also, am 100 percent in agreement with the "not able to comprehend" why George Zimmerman isn't behind bars. He made a choice to use the gun against an unarmed boy. I am so sorry for you having to deal with an unstable individual. Who could have known? I would think that a kind person would have attempted to help the dog and never thought it would be anything more than that. So tragic. I have dealth with some "fractured" folks and what I do know is this...they probably are going to do what they are going to do. If one thing doesn't set them off they will wait for the next thing.

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  19. Yeah that is just so stupid, he should have been locked away long ago, but the justice system is so flawed he prob never will be. And yeah He pulled the trigger so He is to blame for her death not anyone else.

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  20. lol, I really like those pie charts.

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  21. This is an awesome post. And so true. You never know what someone else's day has been like, so when possible, I cut strangers some slack. Found you through @SaskaDad's tweet. :)

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  22. Thank you for this post. It's such an sad and horrifying situation. I do hope that something can be done now - even though it's a month late. Every time I see Trayvon's sweet and happy expression it hurts.

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  23. Some fun writing here, and it really serves up the tragedy of this painful situation.

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  24. hahahah, this smade me laugh :') those pie charts! great blog, definately following!
    check out mine sometime?
    f-a-i-r-y-l-i-g-h-t-s.blogspot.com
    taaa!

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  25. Being from across the seas, I hadn't heard of this case, so had to Google it.

    It's every mother's fear that something like this could possibly happen. That could be my child four years on, just because of the garment he chose to wear.

    I don't think I've ever gone from laughing so hard to almost crying in such a short space of time. Great post, brilliantly told.

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  26. Stepping in because a dog is being beaten is the civil thing to do. What can you do but speak up?

    As for George, he'll get his, and through the courts yet. The police department in question, however, the ones that initially declined to arrest him? Their collective asses are in a large and uncomfortable sling right now, and I'm willing to bet someone will lose their job...

    Pearl

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  27. This is one of those cases that I feel so angry about, but I'm not sure how to comment on it. I live in another country, but I still get the news. And I want to comment - loudly - but then I wonder if it's my place. It was the same with all of the awful GOP and birth control stuff...I wanted to yell with the rest of the women in the States, but the overly-polite Canadian in me wonders if I'm "allowed", since I don't live there. Anyway, this is a beautifully written post. You have a knack for tackling the hard stuff without losing your voice as a humour writer.

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  28. I have elected to stay out of this particular land mine of conversation as I am in the percentage of people that think something else happened than what is being portrayed and I don't want to pass judgement on anything until all the facts are known.

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  29. Such an amazing and powerful post!!!!!! My heart just breaks for Trayvon's family. You should be proud of your actions in stopping that man from beating his dog. I agree with Pish Posh. He was already gone.

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  30. Hey, I say you are still a hero for stopping that man from beating his dog. No matter what you had done, the action later was bound to happen. There was no reason for him to be abusing a defenseless animal, no matter what his issues are. And that wouldn't have prevented what he did later. It was just a sign that he was a violent freak.

    http://www.talkativetaurus.com/

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    1. Yes, I just wish I had said something kind to him in the end just to calm him...

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  31. I am a first time reader sent over from the Bloggess. I also happen to live in Florida, not too far from Sanford. The outpouring of support for the Martin family here has been amazing. This is a senseless crime. I am heartbroken for the family. Our local radio station has been incredible in raising support for the family. I sent them a link to your article. Thank you for standing up for what is right!

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  32. The sheer brilliance of this post is unmeasured! You put into words (and pictures) what has been on my mind for a while now. I'm going to share because, well, you put it so damn well!!!

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  33. If you could see me right now, you'd see that I'm standing in front of my monitor clapping. Couldn't have said it better. No really!

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  34. Wow. I really liked how you put this all together. Trayvon's death has really angered me. There is no justice, but dump flour on a CELEBRITY and get arrested??? That's just insane. I live in Florida. And not too far from Sanford. And that idiot, Zimmerman keeps going around and sticking to his "self defense" story... I just don't get it. That was a kid. A child. Walking and talking on his cell phone and eating skittles. In the rain. Where is the harm in that? I read up on George Zimmerman. A lot of witnesses says he took his job way too seriously. He knocked on peoples doors and said to call him, NOT the police if anything strange happened. WTH!!! Ugh... sick sick world I tell you!

    Oh, let's not forget Casey Anthony... you know... she killed her kid and partied hard and got away with it????

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  35. This is a great post. It's truly amazing how someone can dump FLOUR on a "celebrity" and they get arrested but people are killing others (Casey Anthony, George Zimmerman) and walking away as if nothing happened. I work in the legal field and it's absolutely beyond me how Zimmerman can claim self defense when there was absolutely NO reason for him to defens himself. If you're pursuing, you're not defending.

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  36. The martin-zimmerman story is just so bizarre, sounds like a bad movie come to life. Poor kid.

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  37. We have a saying in French that goes like this: "The highway to hell is paved with good intentions" This story is so sad, and it hurts way beyond the loss of an innocent child...

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  38. The fact that Zimmerman isn't behind bars is an example of why I have absolutely no faith for the future of humanity.

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  39. I had a kid killed at a pay phone in front of my store once for passing gas.

    I had an acquaintance pick up a meter reader that shut his gas off, turn him upside down and drop him on his head, killing him. The killer had done too many steroids. He only spent two years in jail.

    Shoot a plastic deer in the road that the Dept. of Wildlife sets up as a poacher trap, and you go to prison for ten years. Not saying he shouldn't do time, but there is a lot of disparity there.

    Then there's OJ Simpson. Situational ethics. Go figure.

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  40. This story is heartwrenching. I (and most of america) wonder not only why hasnt this man been arrested, but where are we, as human beings, headed?
    Tragic.

    Tracy

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  41. Thank you for posting. I hope can work together to heal and unite as a nation. This is a huge race problem...A HUMAN RACE problem.

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  42. Thanks for writing about this. This is a ridiculous story. Ridiculous in the sense that it happened and its true and Zimmerman isn't behind bars.

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  43. What "A Beer for the Shower" said, basically.

    And you should be proud of what you did, standing up for that animal. It was just a coincidence, not a catapult. Someone who could do that to his family is someone that was sick enough to have been bound to do it regardless.

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  44. From my understanding (and really that isn't a whole lot since I just heard about this. I live under a rock) the reason he hasn't been arrested yet is the generalization of the "Stand your ground" law. Being a FL resident, and gun owner, I am familiar with this law. And in this case, in my opinion, it is yet another example of the laws protecting the criminals. This should not have happened. That man could have stayed in his car and a poor kid wouldn't be dead.

    As for the dog incident. You did exactly what I would have done. It is not your fault that that man shot his wife. You cannot control actions, you can only stand up for things when you see them. You were not around when that man went home, you did not make him pull the trigger. But you feel how you feel, and I hope you get to a place where you are at peace with the things that happened that day.

    As for Lucy and Kim: I would LOVE to flour bomb Kim Kardasian also. And go Lucy! But you have a great point in the irony (?) of them being arrested (Lucy and Kim bomber) and this Zimmerman fellow not and I totally agree with you.

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  45. Your post brought so much to mind for me. I so understand your anger and frustration. I lost my best friend from domestic violence. It was/is something that stays with me. I will NEVER understand why he felt it necessary to take her life. I was the chief witness at his trial and was able to participate in putting him in prison for life. Because of the voiience of his act, he will never get out of prison. I know it was the right thing to do, but it could not bring her back.

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  46. It's a tragedy that we will never actually know what happened on that street. Only two people know and one of them is dead. The whole thing is so messed up.

    I didn't hear about the Lucy Lawless thing. How is that theft?

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    1. Not sure. I think if company time was lost (from the workers) while she was protesting that they can charge her with theft.

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  47. I am clapping here. Exactly, exactly.

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  48. This post made me cry. I live in a terrible neighborhood. Some restaurants don't deliver to this area. When we call the police, it can take hours for them to arrive.

    Don't punish yourself for stepping in to defend a creature that couldn't do it on its own. My sister won't appreciate that I will share this with you, but she doesn't blog. Her husband (soon to be ex-husband) was a violent man. He used any excuse to lay his hands on her. The truth is, he was just a violent man LOOKING for an excuse.

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  49. You always have good thoughts put into words. I totally support the idea that "kindness doesn't kill". If everyone does a little to someone, that someone would do a little more in return or to someone else, I think it is possible to have a kind world actually. What goes around, comes around, remember?

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  50. Could you alone have calmed down a violent man you encountered at a gas station and stopped him from shooting his wife? Probably not. As the other commentators have said - he was already highly unstable, his later actions would have happened sooner or later unfortunately.

    I can only hope that Zimmerman gets what he deserves. The amount of anger that has been generated by his actions should ensure that he faces a full & fair scrutiny. Thanks for the article.

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  51. He should have been arrested. End of story. I feel sick that he was just allowed to walk away, like nothing had happened. When I heard about this whole thing for the first time I thought the only way this would make sense was if Trayvon was one of the X men and was about to use his mutant powers on Zimmerman.

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  52. Honestly.... this is about as well said as anything I have read on this.... and I couldn't agree more!

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  53. As the 2 readers I pasted below said- Something else was going on. Not that I necessarily agree that shooting an unarmed man is the answer, but I don't think Zimmerman woke up and said "Hm, let me see if I can find someone to kill today". There is more to this story.

    Sweety DarlinMar 26, 2012 06:03 AM
    I have elected to stay out of this particular land mine of conversation as I am in the percentage of people that think something else happened than what is being portrayed and I don't want to pass judgement on anything until all the facts are known.

    SheliaMar 27, 2012 05:39 AM
    With all due respect ... and I do respect you and your gang here ... but do we have all of the facts yet? Are we positive that he was in a car and that he got out and pursued the boy and shot him? Because I read elsewhere that when he fired, he was on the ground being beaten up, and pretty mercilessly at that. I don't know which is the true story, but I haven't yet heard the results of a full investigation. Which is why I think that everyone seems to be rushing to judgment. And judging people -- or rather, pre-judging -- causes a lot of harm too.

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    1. I would like to clarify some things. On the 911 tape (which I listened to), it does tell him to stay in his car so the fact that he was in a car is not in question.

      The point of my article, if you read it until the end, is not whether he is innocent or guilty. It is simply that he could have made a better choice than to get out of his car, knowing he had already called the police and they were on their way.

      My home was broken into a few months back when I wasn't home. I had a gun. I got back into my car, locked the doors and waited for the police to arrive like I was told to do by the 911 operator instead of wandering around my house or property with a gun. I have learned in my life, to pick my battles, not to seek them. I chose to get in my car and stay there. For my decision, no one was hurt.

      I do believe in justice and I am quite sure that there are things that will come out. This post is not a "lynch mob." But, I have a 16 year old who wears a jacket with a hood on it and the neighborhood next to us that has some very famous people living in it. He doesn't live in it, but is free to walk there. I would rather someone call 911 on him (my feelings won't be hurt) than to walk up to my child with a gun, whether their intent is to shoot him or not. No one has the right to follow my son with a gun or question him with one. It is a form of intimidation. Sorry, I stand behind that. No child on this planet deserves that feeling.

      I don't believe for a second that his intentions were to shoot him. I believe he just got caught up in the moment, but that fact remains that based on his getting caught up in the moment and getting out of the safety of his car, someone died.

      Once again, the point of my article is not to point judgement, but to call out to the fact that if you choose to play a hero, be prepared of the consequences. That is why we have police. The consequences for me screaming at a strange man at the end of my story is that he went off on a tangent and killed someone. My point is I could have done better and that is actually what the whole intent of my article is...he could have done better. Sorry if anyone sees otherwise.

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    2. great response, tracie.

      best,
      MOV

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  54. Whether Zimmerman is guilty or not (although he should be for the sole reason that he pursued an unarmed man when told to stay in his car), I agree that he should be detained. He shot and killed an unarmed teenager. Had he stayed in his car like ordered, this event would have never unfolded. That alone should at least be grounds for arrest nevermind that he killed someone and all.

    As for Kardashian, I believe we should schedule a day when the entire nation flour bombs her. They can't arrest all of us!

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  55. Tracie, you are brilliant with your thoughts and words. You obviously have a great heart and want to do right!

    You are so amazing! Never EVER stop writing!

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  56. I am sure you have heard this several times over, but whatever was in that man that caused him to shoot his wife was not put there by you. You don't deserve that kind of blame.

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    1. Took the words right out of my mouth ;-p

      No way do we that much influence that one small event would cause that. It had to be a culmination of events over a period of time that set him off.

      As for the whole Zimmerman deal? Yes, he should be put into jail - just for the sheer stupidity of it.

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  57. I just found your blog but I have to say out of all the blogs I've read on this subject this one truly said it best.

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  58. Very sad story. I just don't know what to believe. This world is crazy! CRAZY! :)

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  59. New Reader! Loving your blog. On a more serious note, over here in France I had no idea this story was happening in America. I am shocked and saddened and it is always a crime that these things get so over sensationalised by the media and all involved. This is not a soap opera, it is someone's life and the loss of someone's son. It is hard for anyone to be totally unbiased and to treat this case fairly when such dramatics are taking place. No-one should ever be killed at the hands of another EVER, I grew up in England and HATE guns and everything to do with them and I always go back to my stand of, if guns were illegal then this wouldn't have happened whether the guy is a racist or not. But that's a whole word of controversy for another day! Whoever pulls a trigger should be responsible for what happens next, regardless of what motivated it. The person who pulls a trigger and takes someone's life is a murderer. George Zimmerman should take responsibility for pulling a trigger and so should the guy who shot his wife and no-one else is to blame for those lives lost than the person who decided to own a gun and use it against another.

    WOAH that was all a bit serious... not always so serious... love the silliness in your blog too :)

    Love Elle xo

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  60. Who are you, magical mystery lady?

    I think you are freaking balls out and I'm grateful for whatever little rando twist of fate lead you to comment on my blog which, in turn, lead me to your blog.

    It sounds like that encounter caused a lifetime of stepping up and changing the world with that kindness that doesn't kill. Keep lighting the internet on fire.

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  61. Just wanted to let you know the comment/link to your Trayon article is getting a lot of hits on my blog!. I'm sure the readers are coming back to see it here. I'm glad I thought to spread it around!

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  62. It's hard to believe that Zimmermann wasn't immediately arrested first and foremost... Perhaps this Stand you Ground Law signed into law via Bush was a bad idea... ☺

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  63. Very well said, Tracie. Thank you for sharing your insight and your wisdom!

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