Tim Tebow is Single Again!

In unrelated news, my dog wants me to pour eggnog in the toilet for some reason.

He also wants to leave out for Santa a glass of warm milk and a dead cat.

Also, and most importantly the best worst news of the day (I am not happy about it, though it appears I am but I am not).

Tim Tebow is single again.

Repeat.  I am not happy about this.

So here is my pathetic open letter to Tim Tebow:

So, Tim Tebow, the ball is in your court.  To sweeten the deal, I do have connections to the Ragin' Cajuns if you want to play for them.  Can't make any promises, though...

Did I mention that I am NOT happy about this?

Also, here is an open letter to that homeless guy I saw staring at me and my burger (mostly me) outside Checker Burgers.