Do not eat my pie chart.
With ham-fisted jumbles of words, I scramble to save the Twitter world with my wit that is strongly composed of great observations and remarks. I have become, in essence, a professional Twitterer person. Here is Webster's definition of "professional."
I choose not to get paid.
By choice. They would totally pay me if I wanted money. I'm pretty sure.
Ooh, dating guys just long enough to get them to household chores! Can we do that now? Cool!
ReplyDeleteM-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I.
ReplyDeleteI think.
I already follow you on Twitter. In your next post, you should tell everyone how to be Twitter famous and how to create awesome Tweets. And send the dude who fixes things over to my house. I have a whole list of things for him to fix, but he'll have to date my cat because I already have a boyfriend.
Hey those are some pretty good tweets, so I think you can count yourself as a professional. I saw some tweets of Tom's recently actually. The dude is a total badass. If I remember rightly Mississippi is spelled with two of everything, and it is. Spellcheck got mad at me because I didn't use a capital M.
ReplyDeleteOf course judge books. How else can you tell that you want to read them or would rather be dead than be seen reading them...
ReplyDeleteOh, I laughed and laughed! You are too funny, girl~
ReplyDeleteOMG - you are too funny! I may have to figure out this whole Twitter thing just to follow you!
ReplyDeleteWow, it must be hard for you to balance so many jobs. Professional twitterer. Professional blogger. Professional forward-writer. Professional Walmart-people-watcher. You're kind of a workaholic, aren't you?
ReplyDeleteI had no idea Twitter needed saving, but after seeing how you "saved" it, I can't disagree. Pie chart = relatable.
ReplyDeleteYour tweets are genius...pure genius! All hail the twitter goddess of tweeting!
ReplyDeleteI'd date you for an hour and a half...if only I knew how to fix a fence!
Ha! Good uses for a Boyfriend, you have.
ReplyDeleteI adore you clips of wit on twitter. I saw the "how long after..." one last night. It took me a minute since I was, uhh, driving.
ReplyDeleteFunny tweets. Why I'm not following you on twitter I don't know.
ReplyDeleteYour tweets are hilarious. That is genius to date guys long enough to have some work done. Gosh, if I were single, I would need to date an electrician for about 2 hours. Let me know if you know any electricians that have a thing for old married women.
ReplyDeleteI loved those tweets! you are brilliant!
ReplyDeleteI took part of a fence down once...
ReplyDeleteWay better tweets then talking about a potty break haha as any do and they spam away.
ReplyDeleteYour Twitter posts are too funny! I'll be honest though, Twitter tends to overwhelm me. Too much happening at once and I can't catch up!
ReplyDeleteYou should give lectures to twidiots like me who don't know how to tweet.
ReplyDeleteyou have convinced me to get a twitter. so thanks for that. :)
ReplyDeleteI have a twitter account but I rarely tweet to busy doing other things............lol
ReplyDeleteBrilliant tweetage!
ReplyDeleteWhen do you rest? No wonder you don't have time to build a fence. Twitter scares me!
ReplyDeleteYay, you're on Twitter! I've been missing out. I love Twitter above all other social sites. You rock, Tracy!
ReplyDeleteTracy I see you've started the year with a bang! (But not with the wi-fi installer) :O
ReplyDeletePS. I nibbled a little of your pie...sorry
This post reminds me I need to spend more time Twitter stalking my blogging friends.
ReplyDeleteI think this reminds me of exactly why I don't have a Twitter account.
ReplyDeleteHas anyone told you how absolutely brilliant you are? :) Loved these and your sense of humor is to die for (or was it the pie?).
ReplyDeleteYour pie chart is all kinds of awesome!
ReplyDeleteMy hubby is quite good at fencing...errrr, um, building a fence. Nah?!! Of course you don't want him...Not only does he not do twitter, he's kinda a grump.
ReplyDeleteGood luck in finding a date.
This post cracked me up. Tracy, you rock.
This very nearly convinced me to join twitter. Nearly.
ReplyDeleteI gave up Tweeting on Twitter because I'm not witty enough to tweet funny stuff! :D
ReplyDeletelolol! SO glad I stopped by, Tracie. Dang! It's good to be reminded to not take life so seriously! :-) Thanks :-)
ReplyDeleteI love your tweets. Me, I suck at the Twitter. I'll stick with Facebook. Oh, and I can fix fences, but I can't date you because my Mexican wife would fork stab you. It's nothing personal.
ReplyDeleteSince following you, my Twitter experience is much more satisfying. I am completely addicted, er professional at social media in general.
ReplyDeleteLoved the 'White Trash' tweet!! :)
ReplyDeleteI thought Twitter was gonna be the Pangea for all my problems; then I discovered that Pangea was the ancient super-continent and that I am kind of a dumbass. I hardly ever twitter anymore.
ReplyDeleteLOL! Wondered where you'd disappeared. Twitter makes my eyes cross. Hmm, maybe I need laser surgery. :) FB gives me heartburn - I mean, 200 baby pictures Right Now? No, no. Thinking of Tumblr, tho. Hey, Happy New Year! (My mom convinced two nephews to build a backyard fence by promising to cook a big meal for them. When she served up red beans and rice, they left two planks out!)
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Tracie. I twittered (as Muse) for about 3 and a half seconds. It was a very rewarding time in my life.
ReplyDeleteYour tweets are like poetry sprinkled with gold and dipped in chocolate. Ahhh.
Happy New Year, Tracie.
xxo
MOV
LOL... my Sig O. just looked over my shoulder because I just snorted while laughing.
ReplyDeletePS: I wonder (worry) about Tom too. I hope he found a cool gig.
PPS: (Or PSS?) I wasn't kidding when I said (on Twitter) that I thought about you today. I was riding in a truck staring out the window and thought: She's a riot, I should read what she's up to these days...
I love catching your tweets, they crack me up! I long to be that witty. But since I'm not , I mostly just observe on Twitter :)
ReplyDeleteAnd, hey, it's ladies week at Dude Write! I hope you are planning to join us again!
I am going to check out more of your twitters (tweets? twoots?) right now!
ReplyDeleteWhat I wouldn't give for a handy guy. Don't tell Joe.
It's been a while since I visited your blog, but it made me smile today, so I guess you're doing something right!
ReplyDeleteI learned to spell "Mississippi" out loud, where I sort of rap/sing each letter, and now, 17 years later, I still have to always pause whatever I'm writing, for example, a comment on a hilarious blog post, and rap/sing out the letters. Same with the word "beautiful." lol.
ReplyDeleteOh shoot. I'm not on twitter so I can't benefit from the expertise! I can't spell misesipee either. or vakume.
ReplyDeleteHahaha! Love them tweets! My kids know not to ask me math questions. Like ever. And thank the gods for spell check. Can we now please have math check? I know that's what calculators are for, but could they just make this shit easier? And yeah, what happened to Tom?
ReplyDeleteWow, so that's what I'm missing on Twitter! At least it's fun stuff!
ReplyDeletei'm on twitter and love your tweets!!!
ReplyDeleteThere is no end to your awesomeness. You are the reason I read twitter:)
ReplyDeleteBack around but no post is found?
ReplyDeleteDo you always rhyme LOL! Hey I missed the cat!
DeleteI actually know people who buy tones of crappaper on coupons... I'm gonna go and eat a candy bar now to feel better......
ReplyDeleteHilarious tweets! I need to stop by on Twitter and read more of them.
ReplyDeleteIt's been a while my friend. This made me laugh... But you always do. I'm much to serious in all this stuff and you help me not to be. :)
ReplyDeleteOkay. I'm just going to stop writing my stupid blog now. You are too funny. So glad I discovered this hilarious, original site :)
ReplyDeleteI have become bored with Twitter. If I only saw this in my feed, though, I feel sure I'd be continually enthralled. I have become bored with the Facebook, too. I have occasionally thought of Tom. I bet he's pissed. Mostly, I just "work" and play with my baby boy. My pie chart has maybe a couple more crumbs than yours with the rest being split between Pinterest and Candy Crush.
ReplyDeleteIt's because I visit here randomly. I miss your wit. I saw the January and forgot it was not the current one. :-( I'll stop commenting now.
ReplyDeleteI hope 2014 proves to be a good year for you and yours!
ReplyDeleteInteresting. .
ReplyDeleteMiss you. If you read this. Just followed you on facebook.
ReplyDelete