Thursday, April 12, 2012

Don't Worry, Be Happy

Hey Guys! My REAL post was deleted by Blogger (I have been having technical difficulty) so I threw this together just as my way of saying I care until I can remember what the other post was about, try to piece it back together again and hope it won't be erased.  My illustrated posts take hours to compose, so thanks for understanding!

I just bought my 10 year old a Barbie recently.  According to my calculations, not that I am calculating, Barbie should be 51years old.  Lined up beside her in the Barbie section (will I ever have my own section?) are the usual convertibles, hairdressing stations and I even saw a Barbie toilet.  She has her own bathroom now.  Ah, but does she have an alligator? Score for me...

OK, let's try to be a little realistic here.  If we are going to be honest with our kids and give Barbie a toilet, let's be real and give her what the average middle age woman really needs.   Spandex.  Wonder Bra.  Therapy.

Why can't we be realistic with our precious children? Speaking of children, I haven't seen mine in a while.  Thankfully, they show up when they are hungry.  I just feel that the toymakers should update the toys on a regular basis, not give toilets to something that looks anorexic.

As for Mr. Winnie the Pooh, he is still  running around with no pants on.  Anything that is old enough to be on medicare should be forced to wear pants.  We forced Grandpa.  Hey, it's life.


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64 comments:

  1. hahaha. You are pretty funny arent you?
    Taxidermy is art of giving lifeless things agelessness and are stuffed with creepiness.
    Barbie does fit the bill. Just like Barbie, Barbie jokes never get old too.
    "Spinster Barbie costs a lot less than a divorced Barbie.Why? Divorced Barbie comes with house, car and whole lot of jewels and everything from her alimony"
    If barbie could give hard-on, your line right there, "Spandex. Wonder Bra. Therapy" right there recipe for shrinkage.
    True that about bottomless Winne the pooh.
    Too shame blogger is deleting your posts, how much gold are we missing?

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  2. Ugh, there is nothing more frustrating that writing a wonderful post and then it disappearing for no reason whatsoever. It happened to me a few weeks ago and I still have never re-written that post LOL.

    Don't worry, I totally understand! :D

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  3. Gahhh!! That sucks. Your posts are works of art. I hate Blogger right now.

    It JETTISONED your post!!!

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  4. Blogger seems to have a horrid habit of doing that ;( I am just having a snoop round the blogsphere - pleased to meet you!

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  5. Have you checked to ensure it didn't get reverted back to draft mode? That happened to me a couple times!

    What I want to know is why Disney discriminates with its characters? Mickey Mouse has pants, but Donald and Daisy don't! Why not put pants on the poor ducks? And why does Pluto not have pants but Goofy does?

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  6. If Barbie is 51, that means she should be Menopausal Barbie. She needs a portable mini-fan, a bottle of xanax, a bottle of liquor, and a sign that says "Please excuse me- I have no control over the cuss words that come out of my mouth involuntarily".

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    1. So I can blame my potty mouth on pre-menopause? Sweet!

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    2. "Menopausal Barbie" w/ xanax and a bottle of liquor -- BRILLIANT and absolutely SPOT-ON!

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  7. It's funny to think that as a little girl we're "all about Barbie". Then we grow up and life happens and we all wish the bitch would die in a firey wreck in her convertible. Just me? Ah well, her friends are cooler anyway!

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  8. I hate when Blogger eats my posts! Luckily, I don't create works of art like you, so it usually doesn't take too long to recreate my posts.

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  9. Poor grandpa. I guess nobody wanted to see him scratching his skin pickle!

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  10. Barbie, I hate that bitch! She has everything. She is using Ken for his money, and sleeping with GI Joe, has all the things a girl ever wanted, and every possible job you can think of. I am hoping one day they actually change her proportions because if you blow her up to life sized she would look like some sort of alien with extended limbs and some squished torso!

    www.sweetydarlin.blogspot.com

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  11. Disappearing posts are the sign you are getting too good, 'ya gotta spring it on them. Write it in Word.doc and then cut and paste, blow their socks off. Barbie needs accessories like a walker and a rocker. ":))

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  12. Blogger ate my post.

    It's original and very contemporary.

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  13. I hate it when the computer gremlins start taking things! When it happens to me I try to recreate my genius but it never comes out as good as the original.

    You covered well though, I'm now imagining what psychiatrist Barbie, middle aged Barbie and compulsive eater Barbie would look like.

    Thanks!
    Princess WeeWee

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  14. I'm sure your other post was a masterpiece - but this one was pretty fine too! Isn't there some crazy detail about Barbie being created as... umm... playmates for adults?

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  15. A year or so ago, I lost a post after I updated to Internet Explorer 9 but I did end up retrieving it. I wish I could tell you how...but honestly, I don't recall. I am kind of thinking it was lurking in the "scheduled" tab. I hope you retrieve it, you posts are always so fun to read.

    As for Barbie, I am so clueless about her. I raised a daughter that just wasn't interested in Barbie things and now I only have grandboys. (not that I am saying boys can't like dolls...but so far these 2 like trucks, and things you can throw and dirt...they really like dirt.

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  16. Have you seen Barbie's chest? She has no need for a wonder bra. I think they do have bras for them though, I guess people complained or something. It sucks your original post was lost :( I hope you can get it back, or recreate it.

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  17. Sucks that stupid blogger did such a thing ruining your original ring. But still this was quite fun.

    Ever notice how those that have no pants don't have a bum? I was discussing this the other day about Donkey Kong, he has a tie, but no bum crack or anything in between, deformed I guess. But where do all those banana's go? Hmmm this could be a post..hahaha

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  18. I agree with Pish Posh. Your posts truly are fantastic. Blogger ate one of my posts last week. Fortunately, my computer had saved a draft. Sometimes I actually like my computer.

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  19. Whoever is in charge of still keeping Barbie on the market should get an enormous raise. Also, you better copyright that alligator idea or they'll steal that one from you.

    And, that sucks what happened to your previous post. I'm sorry to hear of your misfortune.

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  20. The evil Blogger strikes again...

    I remember how, back in the nineties, A ballerina Barbie appeared on the market. Only this Barbie--get this-- had flexible joints!!! OMG! That's right. It took her over 30 years to develop joints. Go figure.

    -Barb the French Bean

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  21. Blogger took all my entries off and I couldn't post them so I paged them. I think I had fifty two articles. It gave me a chance to edit my less funny or poorly written ones. Fortunately, I have two other blogs, one on word press. I also keep them on zips and in word. I lost an entire book once when I crashed a computer, so I'm paranoid. I hate Wordpress more than blogger, but just because I'm not familiar and I don't get many followers. Make back up of all your work!

    In order to be authentically American Barbie would have to look like she was two fifty pounds to wear spandex and wouldn't wear a bra.

    Hon has a hair dresser Barbie worth six hundred from 1960. It looks more like a "Homeless person that got caught in a horrible nerve gas experiment" Barbie now.

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    1. I lost 25 pages once. I was depressed for a whole week and wouldn't look at it. I knew I hadn't backed it up. But when I prayed, I went back and, freakishly, they were there. Now I back up like a crazy person.

      I love that homeless person caught in a nerve gas thing...rofl. My girls' Barbies mostly lost their heads. There'd be all these heads in the box under their bed (next to THE Man Under the Bed) with hair that looked like Lady Gaga's after a bender.

      I recently went to a garage sale at the coolest house I ever saw. They have doll heads on all the pickets of their fence. I got brave and asked to see inside and it was the most eclectic mix of strangeness ever! We went to a Halloween party there too.

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  22. I think Barbie should be sporting Depends. It's only fair since she's had those humongous boobs and impossibly tiny waist for so long. And shouldn't she be getting a bit thicker through the middle and some cellulite about now?

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  23. That's why I write my posts in Word and then copy them to Blogger.

    Blogger can't be trusted.

    On the other hand, you write well under pressure. :-)

    Pearl

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  24. Maybe they gave Barbie the toilet because she's bulimic...:o)
    Actually I'd like to see Realistic Barbie. She should have a saggy stomach from popping out a half dozen kids. Her chest should look like two socks full of wet sand. She should have laugh lines from laughing when Ken Jr. flushes his shoes down the toilet or paints the dog green. She should come with a minivan full of crumb-crusted paper plates and a pile of bills. Maybe she could come with a scrap-booking fetish and about five nice purses. She should have a bum knee and plantar fascitis and an abundance of gray hairs. Now THAT would be a Barbie!

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  25. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    1. I just noticed that and was wondering what there was two of...

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  26. tracie,

    that is the second post I've read today referencing Barbie (the other was over at claybaboons.com and involved copious amounts of yarn). Am I missing out here? why the Barbie fetish? Maybe there should be an official MOV Barbie, and she can be standing in the middle of a giant heap of laundry! How is THAT for realisic?

    and by the way, it seems to me Barbie WOULD need a toilet if she is anorexic (or is that bulimic?).

    love your post, as usual! you rock!!!

    best,
    MOV

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  27. Arrgh! I wrote something absolutely fascinating and it ate that too! Bah!

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  28. How frustrating!! Barbie spanx would make me happy, though.

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  29. I dont know why Barbie needs toilets or kitchens or bikes or pets.. UGH.. It's just more mess to clean up and more noises for my vacuum to make. ::grumbles::

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  30. Barbie is such a ho', its amazing they didnt give her an STD...
    I always wondered about that side-kick of hers too, "Skipper".
    Little too happy if you ask me. And what kind of red blooded american girl doesnt have a dog? or a tattoo?

    Come to think of it- I hate Barbie.

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  31. Sorry you lost your post. I hope you find it soon.

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    1. It is gone, but I still have the illustrations saved on MS Paint. I just have to narrate it again. I am still having problems from Blogger though and there is no customer service...

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  32. Um, well how is Barbie suppose to puke if she doesn't have a toilet to puke into? Of course, she needs a toilet. And if anyone comes up with Bulimic Barbie, that's my idea! You can have Wonder Bra Barbie.

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  33. I had a ski hill for my Barbie. It was so cool, it hooked up on top of an amazing cabin with a fireplace and even gold medals for her skiing skills. Do you know that the fake snow in a can for Christmas decorations does not improve Barbie's skiing speed? No. She actually sticks to fake snow.

    p.s. just thought you should know...

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  34. On that note, my little ponies should be older than me I think, and they haven't been sent to the glue factory yet, and their tattoos haven't faded. And they shrank. My daughter isn't old enough for Barbies yet. I'm not sure ponies are age appropriate for 2 either, but she plays with the the right way so go me.

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  35. Another writer posted yesterday that she was having trouble with Blogger, also. Argh. I feel for you - hate hate hate technical difficulties.
    I know I'm supposed to be all bitch-slap the designers of Barbie and all that, but, honestly, I loooooovvvveed my Barbies when I was growing up, as did my oldest daughter. My youngest daughter (who is probably going to be President someday. Consider this your heads-up), never had any use for her. She was My Little Pony and Polly Pockets all the way....

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  36. Elderly people need pants!?! Disagree. One of the perks of being old is that you don't have to deal with the conventions of society. Want to streak a presidential fundraiser? Have at it! Smoke crack at 9 AM in the sloth enclosure at the local zoo? Please, by all means, it's the old person's reward for surviving so long.
    That being said, you're totally right about the life-like age progression of fictional characters.
    Oh, and sorry you're having tech issues.

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  37. I'm all for Barbie. Growing up in the dark days of the pre-internet era, I probably spent more time locked up in the loo with my sisters' Barbies than they ever did.

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  38. Yeah, Barbie should really need a bra by now!

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  39. Dammit. Your slapped-together stuff is still way funnier than my well-planned out sh*t. And Barbie was Ken's "beard." Poor girl.

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  40. If toy makers were being realistic, Barbie would be dead. Remember when she had a million jobs? She was a police officer, a teacher, a a waitress, an astronaut, etc. Barbie did it all. That kind of stress would have given anyone a heart attack.

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  41. Tracie! Even Blogger can't suppress your wonderfulness.

    And I think losing a big piece of writing is one of the most frustrating things. I even get upset when I type a comment on someone's blog that is three sentences and then lose it due to the internet dying or my computer being dumb. But bravo to you for handling it well.

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  42. This post was hilarious! (As usual, so I'm really stating the obvious, but I tend to do that.)

    Also, I just tagged you for a question game. Please check out my blog for the questions and rules if you're interested in playing. (=

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  43. love ur never say die attitude....! keep going tracie, u rock!

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  44. Thank you for your sweet comment.

    How happy I was to find your blog, you make me laugh :)

    Nikki – inspire nordic

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  45. Oh that's awful! I know it takes forever to compose a post when you're drawing for it. You have so many illustrations in one post it must take forever!! This just makes me look forward to the next one even more :) And I love that dog. Dogs are the best - always happy and ready to play.

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  46. Such things can happen with Blogger eh?
    I better save all my stuff.

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  47. aww. sorry to hear about the deleted post.
    i never liked dolls as a young girl, especially Barbie. i dont even fancy soft toys till today.

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  48. Did you lose your illustrations too? I love those, please tell me you didn't lose them.

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    1. I still have my illustrations, but my narration will be different.

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  49. I write all my posts in word and then cut and paste to blogger, usually leaving spaces where I want the pictures to go. That way, I can write posts weeks in advance, and also avoid blogger eating my word like nachos.

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  50. Tech troubles are the worst!

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  51. Ugh, my heart goes out to you. I've had troubles with blogger before. Yes, they've eaten up my posts too...grrr...

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  52. Oh NO! I would be miserable if I lost one of my longer posts. So sorry that happened...both for you and for the rest of us.

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  53. "Anything that is old enough to be on medicare should be forced to wear pants. We forced Grandpa." -- HILARIOUS!

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  54. I love Barbies. Not because of their strangely proportioned bodies or dressing them up or fixing their hair. But I always used them as little actors for my crazy stories growing up. I suppose any toy/doll would have done well, but Barbies were what I had on hand. :-)

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  55. Love your blog, and thanks for your comment on my "50 Shades of Grey" blog post. I noticed you live in Louisiana....small world....I lived in Slidell, LA for 20 years before moving back to my home state of Maryland after Katrina. Keep writing!

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  56. they need a "this could happen to you" doll,love your posts!

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