What is at the End of the Rainbow

I found out what is really at the end of that rainbow...

Golden Arches...
and cinnamon melts. Mostly cinnamon melts.

Miss you guys! Yes I have been on a short hiatus. I'm involved in lots of conspiracies and stuff which has taken up an unusual amount of time. Also, I'm back in flight school (yes, someone allows me in the sky), which takes up a lot of time and I don't care to fly exhausted and falling asleep in the plane, though when it starts to dive, the plane's alarm usually wakes me up. Things just get fun after that.

In addition, I have found myself watching Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo and my IQ has dropped about 10 or 5000 points because of that decision so that doesn't help my dating life either.

Even Facebook is working against me.

I actually think I saw the word "unstable" in there somewhere, but probably not so I left that out.

Don't worry, you are all still safe and can sleep sound at night without fear of me going crazy.

See ya'll when I'm done getting into trouble with my flight trickery and stuff! I'm anxious to start catching up on some of your adventures on your own blogs!

Lance Armstrong, Myself and I

I wonder if Lance Armstrong is still single because we have so much in common now.

Don't worry Lance, you have a friend in me (friendship not guaranteed).

Also, in completely unrelated news, but still in France, you can buy canned air straight from Paris for the low, low price of $9.99 without ever having to step foot on a plane, in a hotel or Paris.

Apparently, love is in the air.

The End.

The Tracie Show

My life this week has been completely scripted for me.

Ya'll will be happy to know that three cute guys asked me out this week.

It just didn't feel right, but this is my show, so...

Oh, I have a show now.

If you have not seen "The Truman show," geaux watch it and come back.

That is how my life has been this week.

Today, I was running late and I live in a town that has three gangs.

They only caught me at one spot today instead of one hundred spots.

While running late for an important appointment through town to take an important test I had not bothered studying for because it was a bother,  I began to instantaneously develop this intense fear of good things happening to me.  Then this happened...

I've always been at a unique disadvantage with the Red Light Gang as there are always dozens, if not millions of cars in front of me.  Mostly millions.  But, not this time.  It was as if someone had just parted the Red Sea for me to cross over into the Promised Land.  

I crept through wondering if there were land mines in that lane.  Maybe the Red Light Gang had set a trap for me!

My apprehension transformed itself into a staggering amount of wonderment and joy as I reached the Red Light Gang.  I sat there, though, developing a specific thought in my head that something horrible had to happen to me to balance out the equation of good things happening.

OR

Within seconds, however, the Green Light Gang showed up and dashed them away to harass someone else.  

Maybe, Someone "up there" is looking out for "little ol' me" because I made my appointment to take a test I had not studied for.  My plans, actually, were to study at the red lights.  

Scripted, I tell you.

Scripted.  

Swipe My BMW Please

Working out takes hard work and dedication.  I usually go every morning, but no less than once a month.  Something happened this last week, though,  as I skipped dandily out of the gym ready for a good days work of doing nothing.

I became quickly befuddled when I saw what had become of my well-behaved car that had been sitting there minding its own business in a parking spot.

Someone had swiped my car and just left it! A friend who was following behind me noticed the suspicious car parked next to mine.

I immediately called the police and started to blog about it.  Fortunately, the officer only took a few minutes to get there as he was working out at another gym next door.

As he and I walked around the other car examining it, I noticed all of the different colors and dents on the exterior.  It looked as though a beautiful rainbow had brutally beaten the sweet, innocent car in a vengeance, possibly with a small unicorn.

The tires looked sad and badly in need of high dosages of Lortab.  Ironically, the car was not that old.  It was just too young to have a black belt in hitting every thing in the world.


The officer pulled up the license plate and went into the gym to find the dark-cloaked villain.  I was a little upset that someone had just left my poor car in a state of confusion and ugliness to go into the gym to work on abs.  All I knew was, he better be cute.  Forgiveness is a little easier when he is cute, single and wants my number.


I stood by my car watching the door.  Then, they came out.  Forgiveness was gonna be tougher than I originally thought it would be.   He was a she and not cute at all.  I realized right off of the bat that the woman was obviously pretty smart as she was not morally opposed to looking like Yoda.

It turns out that she was a retired college professor in her 80's.  I watched as she walked closer to my car shaking her head in denial.   In my mind's head I stood there thinking to myself but thinking it at her, "Don't say it, don't say it..."


Then she started to speak.

And boom goes the dynamite.


Suddenly, she could only speak dementia.  I stood there for a few moments basking in the rich tapestry of 1950's culture before walking over to her car and blowing off the newly made pixie dust all over the place.  I sneezed as paint chips raced to my brain to eat away at what little was left.


She admitted the yellow paint on her car (underneath my paint on her car) was from a post she hit at Home Depot the week before.  Also,she had the bumper replaced a month earlier because she had hit something else before that.

Venom slowly seeped from her throat as she denied hitting my car again, while she admitted to hitting everything else in the world including the Amazon and possibly Charlie Sheen.  How could anyone hit the Amazon? Charlie Sheen is understandable...


I just wanted her to admit to hitting my car.  Tell the truth.  I glared at her with my beady eyes as she stood there steadily denying what she had done.  Oh, I thought...

Then, what really hurt my feelings was that even though the po-po said that there was no doubt that she hit my car, (and she had selective memory) he couldn't cite her because it was private property so all he could do was give me her insurance information.

UPDATE: I am currently working with her insurance company and hoping that they pay to fix my damages with no problem.  Meanwhile, I have found out that there have been other hit and runs in the same parking lot by a white car.  Stay tuned for the next episode of...

Also, let me say that I know people well into their nineties who are driving with no problems, so I am not bashing older drivers, she just needs to give it up if she is not going to pay for the damages incurred as a result of her driving skills.  Speaking to people who know her well, she does not have any type of memory loss or dementia.  


I still forgive her one-hundred percent even though she is not cute at all!  My car may be damaged, but I'm not going to let it damage me.  I'm not here for any car...

The Universe and Me

I recently joined a gym.

Sometimes, a cute guy will happen along.

Then, the inevitable happens.

The universe begins to hatch a distinct plan.

Things were going too well for me for 30 seconds of my life.

Life will then begin to go into direct contrast to what I hoped it would.

The universe is definitely out to get me.

Jump ropes are in on it.

Got Choco-Choco Chips?

For those of you who aren't satisfied with free water, New York City has now tapped into that market with a water cafe.  It is right next door to the saltine cracker cafe and the pretzel cafe so make sure you hit those up first, not second.

It should be a crime how hot I am with a water mustache.

Personally, I suck down Coke Zero like it is water, but my Coke mustache looks like a real one, just with more bubbles.  I'm not as hot with that 'stache, though.  I look more like a cab driver.

I wonder if New York is ready for a Coke Zero cafe.

Also, in other news, I have created a new chip.

Lays has a contest open to see who can come up with a new flavor.  This is my flavor and my bag (don't touch!).  Did I mention that first prize is $1,000,000.00? My other flavor is cow chips.  They haven't made me a bag for that one, yet.  I am sure they are working on it as we speak.

Yesterday, I bought a bag of air and someone was kind enough to put 3 or 4 chips in the bag.

Yes, I am one step ahead of you.  New York needs an air cafe...and chocolate air.

War-Machine Hero Sandwiches

In the interest of full-disclosure I must disclose the fact that I am not in the new Spiderman movie.  I am certainly not bitter about this.  To my millions of fans, please do not be too disappointed.  I am taking it well.

Actually, though it is not obvious because of my sweet Adobe skills, I edited that picture just a bit. This is the real image.

There is an actual sniper tower in the background.  In the interest of me living longer, I don't drive down this road.  Ever.


Is there a baby parade going on around that corner?


You will be happy to know that I really have been trying to stay out of trouble.  

Yes, I am a professional fly botherer.  I do get bored easily, but I don't want to be one of those desperate people who talks to flies.  I just help bring them to their full potential.


I did get a globe as a gift once. Still have it.

I actually enjoy animals.  I take them all in without hesitation.

It doesn't make me a hero, though.  Sandwich shops make heroes.  I would be an amazing sandwich if a sandwich I were. 


My goal is to travel.  I am going to Costa Rica at the end of the year and will share that in another post. 


There is, however, one place that I will never go.  It is not because of the people.  They are really great people.  The blame falls on just a small handful that do not represent the ones who live there. 

On September 1 of this year, "dolphin hunting" starts in Taiji.  

Image taken from savejapandolphins.org

This picture was not edited.  The water is that red.  Thousands upon thousands of dolphins and whales are slaughtered in the water.  Though some people do eat dolphin meat, it is believed the fishermen actually kill the dolphins because they eat the fish and it affects their own catches. 


Some dolphins are sold to aquariums and zoos.  Over 50% of them die once they reach captivity.


I am horrified by this every year. 


As ham-fisted jumbles of words toss themselves about chaotically in my mind, I have not much to say.  


I find myself wanting to morph into some sort of rabid hurricane ready to pick up an entire continent and spew my foaming anger all over anything that threatens to come near me.  


I don't want to fight. That never solves anything.

Instead, I am just a helpless wanderer traveling in this shell of my mind hoping that people stand together, fight and become raging war-machines against people like this. Raging.


I always hope that I can have more potential as a hero than a sandwich does.  

I have also joined Pinterest and am trying to make my images more "Pinterest friendly" so that ones like the dolphins can be shared.  Anyone is welcome to follow me and share my images in a positive manner.  If you feel inclined and I hope you do, you can check out savejapandolphins.org and maybe write some letters and sign petitions.  We need to stop encouraging aquariums and zoos, also.


Whatever you decide to do with your life, be raging. 

P.S. just don't be like these people. This is a different kind of rage that is in guise as misery.